Angels Watching Over Me

Two preschoolers - a Butterfly & a Chocolate Chip Cookie!

2010-09-02T07:04:00.000-07:00

Its been forever since I've written about these amazing little beings I live with. I actually started this entry back on September 9th, and it is now October 30th!This is partly because these two little beings feel like at least a dozen when their energy combines. And partly because they both have become quite adept at the lap top computer and its touch pad mouse - so there's competition for the computer!

The summer went by fast and was full of wonderfulness. The kids and their Daddy went to the beach a lot. Mama made one ceremonial trip over the sand on the last trip. Springsbrook Part is more my speed...or should I say more my terrain. ;-)

We took our first big road trip to Warren Pennsylvania to visit with Evan and Amelie's Godfamily (their Godparents and their two fabulous girls!). They've come to us when each child was born and baptized. I was so excited to finally travel to them, to take the family on a "road trip". The travel went well, so I hope this bodes well for the future and the possibility of lots of travel in the summertime (at least until their summers start to fill up with activities..which will probably be soon).

It is amazing to have two preschoolers. I still can't believe it some days. They continue to amaze me with their beautiful spirits, their kindness, and their observations of the world around them. I'm starting to think more about the things I record, try to save for them on this blog. I started out wanting to make it super-reader friendly...one not just for the kids, but that other folks out there would enjoy (I have mommy-blogger envy). But that included adding pictures to entries, and to be honest, I'm making photo books now, and more interested in making sure I caption every picture I upload to my shutterfly account so I don't forget why I took the picture or the "unseen" memories that went with them. ANd I realized...there are so many special moments and little memories we *didn't* get on camera (and not 'cause we didn't try! We've got lots of pictures..and I'm so glad).

One of the things I remember from when Evan was a baby, is how when Daddy would pick him up, he would lean in and suck on his nose! LOL! It was so funny...we'd laugh every time...and each time Daddy leaned in, we would wonder, "Is he gonna do it this time?". At first it was especially funny because Evan's cousin Nora had done it to Kevin as well. We laughed that there must just be something about that nose!

I realized recently (with horror!) that there aren't many pictures of me holding Amelie when she was a baby! I rationalize that this is because when Evan was born, we had time and energy (comparatively ;-) for lots of pictures of every moment - lots of pictures. I must have sat with the camera while he would lay on the bed, because there are dozens of photos of him in the same outfit, photo after photo! LOL. But once Amelie was born, everything started to feel 10 times busier, not 2 times. ;-) Evan got mobile, there was nursing, life just got totally nuts. Gloriously, happily NUTS!

I am also trying to make myself feel better by thinking, "I was busy giving love and attention...photos aren't as important as that!"...but it doesn't always work. I just love having these memories in a tactile, physical way that the kids can look at someday. So I'm going to try extra hard to get down the memories here that I haven't captured in pictures, or with some other kind of memento.

This will be more challenging...because it makes me realize, I don't want this blog to just tell the kids about things they did as kids, or fun things for them to remember. I want it to tell them more. I liken this blog to Amy Grant's album "Lead Me On"...she said she wanted to record the songs she did so her kids would know a little about "how Momma felt about things". I busy myself taking pictures, and when I can, writing things down here.
But those won't be the most special things, if they can go back in time, and know just how very much I loved them, from the moment they were born. Through the fun and the craziness. When I was hugging or laughing with them...or yelling at them about something (who'll remember what those things that made me yell were anyway?). Maybe they will remember Momma crying "for no reason". These were moments when I was just overtaken with emotion at how special they are, how kind, how loving. Or at how fast they are growing up. It can feel like a whirlwind...one moment I'm yelling "stop that!" and wishing for quiet time alone with a latte...and the next I'm just brought to tears at how beautiful they are - what amazing spirits of joy they truly are.

Both Amelie and Evan are preschoolers now. Next year Evan will start kindergarten! I can't believe how fast *that* came around! Its all whizzing by...maybe this blogging and picture taking is really just my way of *trying* to make time stand still...if just for a little while.

3 and 4

2010-07-06T15:33:00.001-07:00

So its been almost a month since my last post. Summer was supposed to mean lots more blogging, lots more reflecting on life with my little ones. Its not that I haven't noticed lots of moments and lots of aspects of their little personalities worth noting. Its just life keeps flying by me.

So far this summer, Amelie has had her hair cut and put in pigtails, which shaved about a year off of her, which I loved. (They're both growing up too fast!). But when I call her my "baby", she promptly informs me, "No, Mommy - me a BIG girl!". Sometimes I wonder whether she is supposed to have stopped referring to herself as "me" yet...but part of me is dreading the fact that its probably going to fade away very soon...much like her babyhood has. She starts every day by sleepily wandering into our room and after I greet her, she says, "Good Morning, Mommy". Its the sweetest thing.

Evan is just so smart. He remembered the names of two beaches he hasn't been to in a year. And I wouldn't be surprised at all if he could tell us HOW to get to them. ;-) He likes to ask Daddy when we're driving, "Daddy, is this the actual way to..?" wherever we're going. And recently his sister has picked up on it and started asking us.

So for as long as I can remember, Evan sat behind Daddy in the car, and Amelie sat behind me on the passenger side. Just the other day, we put in a new car seat for Evan, and moved Amelie's to his, so they have switched spots. Its nice to be able to turn and see Amelie, but strange not to see Evan sitting there. Its also weird to hear his voice right behind me and hers off to the side. But Evan is most excited to have a new car seat, and Amelie is pleased to be in her "big brother Evan's" car seat. Other plans for the summer include converting our extra bedroom we've been using for storage into Amelie's bedroom. Again, I can't picture them not sleeping across from each other in the same room. We'll have to see what they think of it.

Evan inevitably ends up in our bed several nights a week. Amelie does it too. Although when she does it, it is almost undetectable the way she just slides on in. Evan makes much more of a production of it, squirming into just the right spot, elbowing and kneeing us...and without fail stealing the covers. And heaven forbid if he wanders in and Amelie is already there. "Oh no! Amelie's in my spot! Now I can't cuddle!". We do our best to discourage this kind of regressive behavior, but I can't honestly say I mind when either of them acts like a "baby" again. ;-)

Life Keeps a Rollin'

2010-06-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

So I've been waiting for a bolt of lightning-type inspiration. It isn't coming, yet lots of great memories - small but delightful - are passing by. So its just time to note some.

Evan's brain is amazing. He remembers things from so long ago, or things you told him so long ago. He takes special notes of restaurants (yeah, he's our kid alright ;-). He can tell you the names of all the restaurants and take-out places all the way down Great Road, onto Mass Ave as you go from Bedford to Lexington and Arlington. He loves the dumplings at Jade Garden. And both kids have come to the conclusion that Mexican food means balloons, because the 3 places we go for Mexican now, all give them balloons. (Amelie has been making a special point to request Margarita's, our latest discovery).

Whenever we're going somewhere in the car now, Evan will *always* ask, "Is this the actual way to such-and-such a place?"....like, no, we're actually just going to drive in circles for a few hours, we're not really going there. ;-)

I continue to be grateful for Evan's consciousness about God. He said the other day, "Christmas is Jesus' birthday, because that's when she was born". :-)

All is not fun and games. It never has been, I just don't tend to post about the stuff that drives me nuts. But the lateast things for a while now has been the struggle around teeth brushing. Neither kid liked the switch to older kid toothpaste so they developed this ritual of running through the bathroom, into the hallway, and into our room and back into the bathroom, all in a circle. And Evan would say, "When I say "kite", you catch me!"....don't know where the kite thing came from but the catching was because that was all I could think to do to get them to stop running and brush their teeth.

We have since replaced the new toothpaste with another fluoride one that tastes more like their baby toothpaste and things are calming down a *little*.

Amelie has velcro sneakers now and "me do it MYself!" is her mantra. She is amazing at whipping together puzzles, and at CONCENTRATION. My memory sucks so this is a good development.

She got dress up clothes from Grandma for her birthday that included a little microphone. She likes to rap like the koala character on Ni Hao Kilan....and so she was rapping into her mic, "Me Amelie, its my birthday!"

Evan is loving on the Elephant and Piggy books. And we're using the library more....we got one of them and a new Bear book of the "bear snores on" series.

Its late so hopefully I'll get more down later. Life is crazy but fun, the kids are nutty but total joys.

God's Boundless Love

2010-04-16T12:35:00.000-07:00

In my journey with my children to learn about God and God's love, and to teach them that God loves them just the way they are, and that God loves *all* of her children, I am blessed to have a United Church of Christ congregation there to support me. I am so proud to be part of such a progressive, loving, and welcoming denomination. In that spirit, I wanted to share this for the UCC's Coalition for LGBT concerns:

The leadership of the Coalition is proud to be a part of a denomination with such bold outreach to the broader community about our progressive values. We encourage you to join in the UCC "spiral" campaign by posting UCC marketing materials through your website, social networking, and other places today!

Don't forget that there are lots of ways you can spread the Good News of God's love and the UCC's welcome!

http://www.ucccoalition.org/news/ripples/sharing_the_good_news/

Check out the UCC's new Language of God message on Vimeo

And read about the initial report on the overwhelming response to today's launch.

Bliss?

2010-04-12T06:46:00.001-07:00

Life can get so crazy around here, I often feel like I'm on a crazy train and I didn't even realize it when I was letting off the brake..and that I wouldn't be able to get that brake back on.

But I'm stopped and time stands still every time I am blown away by some of life's more wonderful moments. When all the mess, the noise, the arguing, the craziness, and the mess. don't really matter.

Like when Evan and Amelie settle down together and have a tea party and sit and "chat" like best girlfriends. (yes, Evan's a boy ;-). Or when Evan cuddles up next to me before bed and informs me (in the cutest little baby voice), "I'm in my comfy nest". When Evan comes home from school, Amelie runs to the gate at the top of the stairs and exclaims, "Evan home! Evan, you're home!

While they are both very outwardly affectionate, it still makes my heart skip when I tell one of them "I love you", and they reply "I love you too, Mommy" (or in Amelie's case, "Me love you too, Mommy"). They are such their own people. They have their own agendas, which sometimes can be maddening, but this independence can be a lifesaver.

Now that Spring is here (Wahoo!), they both bolt out the door when we're off somewhere, and before getting in the car, they go around the yard checking out all the flowers. Evan knows their names too....he'll point out the tulips, the crocuses, and the forsythia bushes.

Evan is a lot bigger than Amelie. But he still will ask me to "hold me like a little baby", because Amelie will ask me to "hold me like little baby". And I gladly oblige. There are already so many moments where they just bolt off to go explore without even looking back. I'll take any opportunity they'll give me to hold on to them tight like little babies.

My latest fashion accessory is a beaded necklace Evan made for me at preschool. He went to the zoo w/ a friend last week, and my friend who took him told me that all the way down Great Road, he showed Julie where *all* of the restaurants were. Hey, we have our priorities straight around here. Our kid can always tell you where the best places to eat are.

There are so many other things that Evan and Amelie are doing that are delightful. Many more posts to come!

Make Bad Things Better

2010-04-04T06:25:00.000-07:00

Evan recently had a unit in preschool on woodworking. He learned to use a saw, screwdriver, hammer. They all made their own projects. Evan made a gadget that is a block of wood, with a smaller block nailed crosswise under it. And then a "handle" coming out of the top. (I'll get a picture up here, I can't do it justice). Its painted light red and light green, and has purple glitter on it (that was for me Evan reported).

So this is is "make bad things nicer" machine. It makes bad things...well, nicer.

I like the idea that he can make a machine for this purpose, that he still believes in his power to make bad things better. As we were driving home from church on Easter, Evan and his dad started talking about Jesus and Easter. I was so glad because I was feeling like my explanation about eternal life and living on forever in Heaven sorely lacking. So way over his head. I wanted him to understand that the people we love who die, never really die because they go to be with God in Heaven, and someday we'll go to Heaven too and be with them again. But I worry that this will mess with helping him understand that indeed when people die, they don't "come back". But I want him to live with the hope of Heaven. In the end, I guess faith really isn't something you "explain" to a child...you just try to live it the best you can, and hope it rubs off on them.

But Evan and Daddy talked about how Jesus wanted everyone to love each other, and he was in a fight for love. There were people who didn't want love to win...they wanted the fighting. But Jesus didn't want us to be fighting, he wanted us to love each other. And on Easter we celebrate that Jesus won, that love won. I remembered last year how our church had a big banner across it proclaiming "Love Wins!". I can't think of anything better to instill in a child than the conviction that no matter what bad awful things happen in the world, that people do...that in the end, Love wins. God wins.

Things I Know for Sure

2010-03-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, so its a shameless nod to pop-culture diva Oprah. But I love Oprah. Anyway, these are some of the things I know for sure...and that I hope my kids grow up knowing for sure. Some of these overlap and may be redundant. If so, it just means its important enough to say in different ways. ;-)

1. Its always better to be yourself and maybe have few friends, than to have a gaggle of friends but not be true to yourself.

2. Whatever hard thing you're going through right now, it will pass. And God will get you through it.

3. Its more important to be kind than to be right. But you need to stand up for what you believe to be important. Just do it as kindly as you can.

4. You can almost always find some commonality somewhere with another person..no matter how different you think you are from them. We're all God's children, after all.

5. There is no sense in beating yourself up over anything. If you do things in a way you're not proud of today, work to do better tomorrow. But beating yourself up won't change things...and you deserve to give yourself a break. You're human...by definition you're not going to do everything right all the time. God still loves you anyway. And so does your family and your true friends.

6. One-on-one time giving others your complete attention is more attention than working to do anything "perfectly".

7. Music has the power to heal.

8. From birth to death, the best thing you can do is focus on knowing God better, and working to do what he wants for you. Be kind. Help people. Honor other human beings. Work for justice. Be humble...we all have faults and we all have done things we shouldn't do at one time or another. Be gentle with yourself...God made you just the way you are, and loves you just the way you are. Nobody is "better" than you...we're all just different, with different strengths and virtues, and different faults, weaknesses.

9. Sin is anything that hurts God because you aren't living the way She wants for you. Its good to think before you do something, "Would Jesus do this?" and/or "Would God be happy I'm doing this?".

10. Life goes by faster than you could ever imagine and the most important thing is to make the most of today. You can't do that if you spend too much time worrying about anything in the past, or thinking/planning/worrying about things in the future. A family full of happy hearts is more important than a clean house, perfect super-uber-healthy meals, being the "best" at something, or getting that A+. An A is perfectly fine. ;-)

11. Perfection is totally over-rated. Its a BAD thing.

12. Hug the ones you love every day. Tell them you love them every day.

13. Everyone in your life will disappoint you at some point. Nobody can be all you need at every moment. But God will always be there for you.

Resolution check in

2010-03-08T11:12:00.000-08:00

Some of my New Year's Resolutions (I called them "promises to myself" in the hopes they would feel more like fun opportunities and less like "obligations") were to cook more healthy food for my family, and do more crafts with the kids.

I've done better on the cooking front than the crafts. It seems if I take the time to look up something "different" to do with the kids online, I'm not planning for meals very well. And if I dedicate myself to finding new healthy recipes, making menu plans and shopping lists, the crafts fall by the wayside.

I barely even try to keep the house all picked up. And I don't feel bad about this one...I think love and attention, be it emotional, social or intellectual, are more important than a clean house.

My cooking has consisted of a lot of crock pot meals. Some have been a big success, others nobody but me would touch. And even this one effort seems to be more than I can balance. Either it is super yummy, and not very healthy, or its healthy, and nobody wants it.

But through it all, my kids seem really happy and mostly healthy (winter, I'm ready to say bye bye to you!). Amelie has been "hosting" more and more elaborate tea parties for all her dolls (and her brother ;-). Evan is loving preschool, and is appreciative as ever of everything we do. "Thank you for making us this dinner, Mommy", he'll say. He and Amelie have more and more little conversations, and get along great (for the most part ;-). They just had their first session of a new religious ed. program at church. And after that we went for ice cream and then they played in the back yard with Daddy on their bikes for the first time this season.

And of course, I messed up dinner. I listed only half the cheese I needed for my crock pot mac n cheese, and so I thought the mozzarella cheese that was for another dish was intended for this. Mozzarella cheese in mac and cheese? Not so great. But the kids ate it up and called it yummy. And so now, Monday, I realize I'm not making what I had intended because I used the cheese for it mistakenly on something else. But oh well...Thankfully I have all the ingredients for a Rachel Ray pasta toss recipe.

But I still have a long way to go on my goal to spend more time just BEING with my children. They play on their own a lot of the time. And while there isn't anything inherently wrong with that (independent play and the ability to play independently are good things, and they also love each others' company), I know I spend too much time researching more recipes, looking for "the perfect craft", etc. What they will remember most isn't how well I cooked, or how fantastically creative any given craft was, but the time we spent together. They delight in the simplest of art making and just seem to love it every time I cook for them, no matter how it turns out. Kids have their priorities straight.

So I'm still plugging away at working on doing the same...with gratitude that no matter how well or poorly I do, they love me and seem to be very aware that I love them to pieces too.

Remember that thing....

2010-03-05T20:26:00.000-08:00

I seriously need to start writing things down for later, or going right to the computer when there is a moment I want to capture forever. Right now I am thinking of this crazy thing Evan used to do right in the middle of the living room. It involved a lot of movement...spinning maybe? And some loud utterance, I can't remember if it was a phrase or singing. I'll have to ask Kevin in the morning.

Meanwhile Evan has fallen asleep in our bed. He's into sneaking into our bed at night now. I have to say, as I watch my babies grow up into little people, I don't mind so much.

My rapidly growing babies

2010-02-21T21:17:00.001-08:00

Life goes so fast these days. There have been so many cute, sweet, clever moments from Amelie and Evan that I have wanted to capture in writing that I let go by. Hopefully most of them will come rushing back to me and I'll jot them down eventually. But truly, there is too much to capture it all. They are growing up, learning new things, changing into "their own" little people so quickly.

Evan has become quite the computer wiz-kid. He can go over to Kevin's computer and start up his sling-box and watch whatever he wants. Never mind that he can start a browser and move from NickJr. to Sprout to PBS kids faster than you could imagine.

Amelie has changed *so* much in the last two weeks or so. Her short phrases ("me do it", "mommy, drink") are no more. She has dialog back and forth with you now! It is amazing. I just love it when she stumbles out of bed and trudges sleepily into our room...those pj's that go from head to foot so she's all pink hearts or blue lions are so adorable. And she is happy from the first moment she opens her eyes (provided you don't ask her to open her eyes earlier than she wants to ;-).

Evan can be happy when he wakes up, or he can have a list of complaints he rolls out for you one after the other. But on those mornings he wakes up peaceful, it is the sweetest thing in the world. He speaks slowly and quietly. Is is a lovely time of day.

Evan has started coming into our room at night and crawling in between us. I know in my mind we need to re-direct him back to his own bed, but when he lies next to me with that sweet sleepy face, I want to just hold onto him, and freeze him in time.

We just came to the end of a vacation with Kevin home. That is always a wonderful time, the kids enjoy Daddy and his attention so much. They get piggy back rides, and get to sit on Daddy's lap and read stories. They love going grocery shopping with him. He's come home with Dora and Spongebob soups that they have picked out for him.

Back to the "routine", such as it is, tomorrow.

Where's the Music?!

2010-02-02T04:48:00.000-08:00

Evan loves his music, as I've noted here several times. But he's started taking matters into his own hands, when Mommy and Daddy don't provide quite enough for him. This morning before leaving for school he wandered over to the computer, moved the mouse around a bit, clicked, and there he had brought up the cd library and was playing his favorite They Might Be Giants album, Here Come the ABC's. He may just be a little to smart for our own good. ;-)

evan

2010-01-30T13:16:00.000-08:00

This is how it appeared on the computer screen. Evan has been amazing us with the extent of his computer knowledge. He opens music applications and chooses Victor Vito by Laurie Berkner. He can find blankets on Amazon.com. And more practical, he can go between Sprout.com and NickJr. and PBS kids like nothing you've ever seen.

But today was a surprise we were not expecting. He has known how to spell his name for a while now. He was playing with the art/drawing application on NickJr.com, and I look up and there it is: "evan", in pink ("my sister's favorite color"). I told Kevin "Evan typed his name of the computer screen". He replied, "By himself???? He came running to the laptop to see it.

And now our little scholar is taking a nap. ;-)

The "perfect" mommy

2010-01-23T08:44:00.001-08:00

Lately I've been feeling very motivated...even possibly capable, of being a really great mom. I've found some websites that have given me ideas for great crafts to do with the kids. I've gotten a crock pot to make it easier and less time consuming to make healthy yummy meals for them. And I'm *trying* to pick up my house.

But more often than not, at the end of the day I usually feel like I didn't play with my kids enough, didn't play them enough music, didn't read to them enough, didn't clean the house enough, didn't feed my family meals that were either nutritious enough OR yummy enough...and let them watch too much tv. And I yell too much...and scream sometimes too. And I feel frustrated that I don't have a car so I don't take them places during the days during the week. And that we don't have a fence yet, and so I can't take them outside either. Argh.

I need to remember, I take them to a great church, talk to them about God and His love for *all* of us, play them some music, read to them each night, try to make nutritious meals and do fun crafts with then. I hug them a lot and tell them I love them a LOT. And I guess since no mom can be the "perfect" mommy, that's enough for right now.

Some more favorite quotes from my babies

2010-01-15T12:21:00.000-08:00

"Nana makes spaghetti and meatballs - I LIKE spaghetti and meatballs" - Evan, while talking about leaving for Nana's for the weekend for cousin Nora's birthday.

"Me do it MYself!" - Amelie, pretty much all the time now. I can't convey the exact way she says this in writing...I hope when I'm old and gray I'll still remember it. (Oh yeah, I'm already gray. And almost 41...not old!)

"Hold me like little baby" - Amelie, when she wants me to pick her up and cradle her like I could when she was an itty bitty thing. It isn't as easy with most of her hanging off each side of my arms, but its still warms my heart that she's even interested in my holding her close to me like that.

"No, I want a hundred-million-billion" - Evan, when I give him a plate of, well, anything these days.

"Its summer in winter time! Summer in the winter time, summer in the winter time!" - both Evan and Amelie. This is cute, especially when they strip down to their diapers. When they drag all of their bedding out into the living room to make a fort with the dining room chairs? Not quite so cute...but I do have to laugh!

"Roar! Me hungry dinosaur!" - Amelie...also "Me mad dinosaur". Evan has decided she has to have a dinosaur on her birthday cake this year. I think he may have even found one at Costco (we *love* Costco cakes...in the two baptism years, we had one for the baptism and one for the birthdays ;-)

Pass It On

2010-01-10T19:39:00.001-08:00

When Evan was little, every time he got a new stuffed toy, he went straight for the tag. It didn't matter what it was, if it had a tag, that was its most endearing quality. So I was thrilled to discover that two moms had figured out that many infants love tags, and made a whole line of toys with tons of tags all over them! :-)

We should have seriously bought stock in the Taggies company. We have two blankets (one with letters and numbers, one with a little angel sleeping on a moon that says "Our Little Angel), a mirror rattle, a ball, a triangle-shaped triangle on a ring, just to start.

I strongly associate Taggies with Evan as a baby. So didn't he just have to show me that he *isn't* a baby anymore, when this morning after I retold the story of how he loved his little blanket as a baby, he said, "We should pass this on to another baby, Mama". I was so proud of my little man.

Things I want my kids to experience

2010-01-06T08:51:00.000-08:00

I was thinking the other day about things I delighted in as a child (or later), and it got me making a list in my head of all the things I want to expose my kids to before they are teenagers and don't care what I think anymore. ;-) This list doesn't include the "big stuff" like self-love, love, confidence, etc. Some are more important to me than others, but they are in no particular order (that would take more brain power than I seem to have these days).

1. Pin wheels. Yeah..I just loved watching pinwheels spin on a breezy Spring day when I was a kid.

2. Sparklers. I generally want to keep my kids 100 feet or more away from anything that might be the least bit risky. And I know some parents who don't want their kids near these. But I used to love holding a sparkler in my hand when I was a kid. I loved anything that sparkled...still do.

3. Live music. This might seem like no-brainer to some. "Of course they're gonna hear live music". But it has been *ages* since I've heard live music. ;-) Hearing music live is a totally different animal from listening to the radio or cds. I get such a rush I hear music live, especially if everyone else around me is really into it too. It can be such a communal experience, too. Thank goodness for church, they do get to experience live music (and fabulous music at that) almost every Sunday.

4. Music lessons. These two music related things won't be difficult. Both of my children love music. THey're almost always singing something to themselves. And they both seem to have really good rhythm. Must get that from their dad. But music is in their genes. Kevin and I both love music and had lessons as young kids. Kevin kept at his music longer than I did. I never met his dad but he had quite an extensive and eclectic music collection. And my dad made sure I had piano lessons. He played tuba when he was younger, and when I was a kid he played the piano, harmonica and even sometimes the violin for us.

5. A folk festival. This will be hit or miss whether we'll get them to one of these before they're at an age to say, "No WAAAAY, Mom!". Again, I've only been to Falcon Ridge twice, and Newport once. But of all the live music experiences we could have together...this seems it would be the most potent...living in a community of music lovers for a whole weekend. My first time at Falcon Ridge was with my best girlfriend Karen. She set up the tent (with very little help from me. ;-). It was so neat to wake up to people jamming in the tent next to ours.

6. A faith community. Check. (Ok, so this counts as one of the "big things"...but we've actually got this one covered so I had to include it.)

7. Finger painting. Again, check. Mom got us a set for Christmas and promises to come over and help me with this undertaking.

8. Different cultures. Duh. Anyone who knows me knows this is big for me. I actually haven't had much experience with cultures very different from my own myself. But I think it enriches any person to know about and appreciate people in other parts of the world. It would be great if we could take vacations to other places. But in the meantime we try to get books, music and even toys that are from or at least influenced by people in other countries. (OK so this is another "big" one, but it manifests itself in 'small' ways...music, books, festivals, etc.).

I"m always looking for resources in the Boston area that will help me with this one. So if you're one of the 5 or so people who read this blog, please post them here. ;-)

8. Lots of time at the library. I haven't done very well with this so far. I'm without a car (and on crutches so walking isn't an option) during the week. And Saturdays just seem to fly by, and we haven't been to the library.

9. Cooking. This is a funny one for me, given how much I avoided the kitchen for the first 40 years of my life. But cooking is such fun, and you always read about how it helps kids develop healthy eating habits. So I need to work on finding ways to have them help me in the kitchen that don't overwhelm me. ;-)

10.Volunteering. I've never been very good about making time for this one either, but it is so important to our society, and world. And it just makes you feel so good...I think it will make them really happy.

11. Going to plays and musicals. I've always loved plays and (most) musicals. Kevin and I used to go to them more. I want my kids to have that experience..a lot.

12. The outdoors. We all know how good fresh air is for all of us. I guess I make note of this one because as of right now, I have to arrange to take my kids outside during the day. We don't have a fence yet, so if they go out, I need to invite another adult over to chase them, should they decide to run off. But beyond just getting them *out* whenever possible (even for snowman building, and snow angel making...I like these things, even if they happen during my most-hated season ;-)...I also want to get them out into expansive, unspoiled nature. That's one of the reasons I hope they'll love National Parks as much as we do...and the travel involved in getting to said parks. My dad loved nature. He was an avid bird-watcher, along with my mom. Growing up, I was nonplussed by nature. I'm glad I have matured. But I can't wait to see the kids get excited by seeing a deer in a place where we haven't encroached on her space.

There are so many other things I haven't thought of. Feel free to leave suggestions in the comments section. I'd really appreciate it, and I"ll probably add some to this list. :-)

Some favorite Christmas & post-Christmas moments...

2010-01-04T14:06:00.000-08:00

Its almost more fun to celebrate the Christmas season *after* all the "stuff" is done...

1. turning on the Christmas lights when the sun starts to set, this and my children's reaction almost makes me enjoy the sun going down so freakin' early...
2. the kids reaction when I point out "Hey kids! The Christmas tree in the backyard just came on" and the way they still come running to look out the window.
3. the fact that Amelie started singing "We wish you a Merry Christmas, We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year", a day after Christmas. And they both are still doing it daily.
4. watching the kids play with their new things, and listening to them exclaim "I love this toy that so-and-so gave us!" (they remember these things better than I do ;-)
5. Our church Christmas pageant. I count this as Christmas, as opposed to pre-Christmas, because every "thing" is done...and all this is left is to experience it all. I love the informality of ours. I think it leaves room upon for magic we wouldn't necessarily experience if it were more rehearsed, planned for, etc. A few years ago, *both* of my children were baby Jesus. Actually, my daughter Amelie was, because she was the "baby" of the family. But we told Evan they both were.
6. Watching the kids play with their Grandma, and having her over our house for Christmas. This year was the first year I ever "hosted" Thanksgiving or Christmas, and I got to do both!
7. Watching my mom and mom-in-law open their photo books of their grandchildren.
8. Evan and Amelie playing with their cousin Nora. This year was more special than ever, because Amelie is finally old enough to participate fully in the "big kids" playing.

9. Reading our Christmas picture books. I enjoyed this before Christmas too, but I got such a kick out of them requesting "Bear Stays Up for Christmas" after Christmas. We finally have a nice collection of Christmas books. It started with just A House Mouse Christmas, but now we have two Christmas story books, Margaret Wise Brown's "Moon Shines Down", the bear book and a lovely book called "We Wish you a Merry CHristmas" with a lovely pop up scene of animals in the wood around a Christmas tree in it. (It used to play a midi file of the song, but I have to admit I don't mind the fact that they broke that.)

5 Years

2010-01-03T16:00:00.000-08:00

Hmmm. I just looked, and I started this blog exactly 5 years ago today. I was over a year away from having my first child. I had been married for 7 years. I was even more web-obsessed than I am today. I was living in a dinky, albeit cozy little apartment in Arlington. I was working in Newton, my most inspiring teaching gig, especially considering the fact that I was kicking myself for having left a fabulous job in Needham to take a job that was an absolutely horrible match for me.

Its wild to think about the things that took up my time and attention. I knew I *should* be cooking healthy meals for myself and my hubby, but I used my teeny tiny kitchen as a good excuse not to. I was fantasizing about a career in multicultural education or teaching poetry. I was collecting poems on every possible topic, and making lists of songs that could be used in the curriculum of every possible discipline while posting messages to the school's email system about all of these things.

These days, with a 3 1/2 year old, and a 2 1/2 year old, I'm learning to use a crock pot in the hopes that it will help me serve healthy, somewhat interesting meals for my family. I am getting ready to blow the dust off my dulcimer to make music with my music-loving babies. And its scary the art supplies all over the place for the kids to get into.

I float in and out of two modes: "Isn't this the most amazing experience and time in life for anyone - raising little people?" and "Oh Good Lord. I am so not equipped for this." My resolve to be patient waxes and wanes in between these moments. I struggle with my jealousy of my husband's never-ending supply of patience with the children.

And through it all, there is Hope. Hope Church, and the Hope that IS God. Life truly is a blessing...in the good times and the struggles. Its just easier to remember this when things are going smoothly. And when your kids aren't tearing up paper bags because you chose a piss-poor time to try to sit and compose a blog entry. Ah, 2010 isn't any more sane than 2009. But that's o.k. :-)

A New Year, A New Start

2010-01-01T06:16:00.000-08:00

"So I thank the Lord for giving me
a brand new start each day;
and I praise His Blessed name
for guiding me all along the way" - Amy Grant

This is something that I just LOVE about God. He gives us a new start, each day. Heck, sometimes its in each moment. I can stumble miserably, but God always lets me start again. And that's how I'm thinking about 2010 - a chance to start again. I have never liked the whole "resolution" thing....it just seemed to me to be a total set up for failure. So instead, this January 1st, I'm making myself some promises about things I am going to try to do more of this year.

1. to have more healthy, home-cooked meals - I fell in *love* with the idea of a slow-cooker this year, after reading an article about them in Oprah. It just seemed like a perfect thing for me - someone who isn't all that comfortable in the kitchen, is often crunched for time (usually just because of my poor timing and ability to coordinate cooking times for a whole bunch of meal components), and lets face it...can be a bit lazy, especially in the kitchen. ;-) I also discovered the blog A Year of Slow Cooking, by Stephanie O'Dea, and her book - Make it Fast, Cook it Slow. These are simple recipes, and she presents them in such a low-key, down-to-earth way...it has given me a sense of confidence about this.

2. Doing more crafts with the kids - I got a bunch of great craft materials to use with the kids for Christmas. I'm really thrilled they seem so into crafts. Somewhere along the line I developed a very strong inner-critic about my creations...I hope these early projects with the kids will help them build a strong foundation of confidence and pride in their creations. I never felt particularly creative growing up, and yet each of us is inherently creative...I want me children to know this.

3. Play my dulcimer for my children - my poor dulcimer has been in storage for longer than I'd like to admit. So I got a brand new refresher book for Christmas...that just happens to include some great songs from church!

4. Live a more earth conscious life. Reduce, reuse, recycle more (in that order...all are great things to do for our Mother Earth, but it is better to re-use than recycle, and it is better to reduce. (That last one's a tough one). Remember the compost, and find a source for composting our waste that we aren't set up to compost right now.

Make good buying choices - recycled things, things that don't get thrown away, etc. Buy food and other items that are sold in as little packaging as possible, especially plastic packaging. Looking at all the egg-shell containers and plastic stuff than held things together was discouraging. Buy and eat organic, locally grown food. Purchase objects that are handmade by local and/or struggling artisans.

5. Buy and gift things that are globally conscious. Try to give as many gifts as I can that are eco-friendly (made from recycled materials, or at least from sustainable ones and with processes that are kind to the earth - - no plastic), and at best also benefit someone in need (things where a decent portion of proceeds from the sale of the item go to helping someone else, and/or handmade items from folks around the world who make these things as a way to support themselves and their family).

This one will be easier for me because I just love love love things with an international flair...although that isn't true for all of my gift recipients. I've collected a fair number of web resources for fair trade gifts and gifts made by our brothers and sisters in struggling nations. And I also like the idea of having things in the house that represent many world cultures to help my children learn of the bigger world outside their home, their town, and this one country of the many many on Earth.

(Thanks Neeka, for the inspiration for both #4 and #5 :-).

6. Figure out whether it is possible right now, and if so, cross-stitch, scrapbook, and and organize our pictures. I love to stitch, and have some projects for the babies. And preserving memories in a pleasing way is something that brings me much joy.

Heh. I have been reading some other folks' resolution lists. And it made me realize that while these goals are great, and will enhance my life....they aren't the most important goals, *and* they are the "easy, keeping busy" kind that allow one to ignore the more important stuff. So here's some more:

5. Be easier on myself when I don't do everything exactly the way I think I should be doing it.

6. Pray more. Rely on God more. Think more in every thought and action, is this what would most please God? Trust more that all indeed will be well.

7. Take more time to just "be" with my kids...to delight in all they are learning, discovering and doing. Pay more 100% attention to them, instead of doing lots of other "stuff".

8. Be more intentional in how I spend those few precious moments of 'me' time that I do get...is vegging in front of the tv or zoning out on Facebook really always the best choice? ;-)

9. Truly relax. Just be quiet and still, and listen for the voice of God.

10. Love. Let go of petty resentments, jealousies and old hurts. Love as Jesus would want me to Love. (Geesh, these each got progressively more challenging but also more important, I think).

Enjoy 2010. With all that I am blessed with in my life, I know I will...if I can just get out of my own way. I'm going to try to embrace and enjoy these promises to myself, rather than let them just become more responsibilities I feel I"m not living up to. After all, each one of these things will make me feel better about myself and my world. So wish me luck with my promises to myself. I hope you've made some promises to yourself, too. You deserve it. Happy New Year!

My Favorite Christmas Season Memories (so far)

2009-12-16T07:03:00.001-08:00

Some friends at church were discussing (on Facebook) how the best part(s) of Christmas is the anticipation, more than the actual day. All the fun, wonderful things we do...and the anticipation of Jesus. And then I read this article all about how not to spoil your child at Christmas, and it mentioned a lot of tradition/memory making things you can do. I know I found some things I'd like to add to our Christmas experience.

But it also got my thinking about what a wonderful Christmas season this has been so far. I know this will be part one of at least two parts, because the fun keeps coming. But here's a list of my best Christmas moments so far:

1. Evan telling me he wanted to give Jesus a Christmas card, and that he didn't want Santa to come, just Jesus...and then asking me what we should get Jesus for Christmas.

2. Making ever-so-imperfect Christmas decorations, and then watching the kids admire them with joy and pride, every day since. Our favorite is our prayer chain, which bares the names of lots of the people we love. Most in fact. ;-)

3. picking out a wreath for our door together. Amelie found a little sprig of leaves, pink little balls, and a pink present and exclaimed, "Pink! My favorite color!" That just had to go on the wreath.

4. my children "laying a path for Jesus" each week in church

5. making my Christmas card...I like it so much better than last year's. ;-)

6. the first eggnog, at Flatbread...like back in November! LOL.

7. Exchanging fair-trade gifts with a dear family friend (whose commitment to and work for social justice just inspires me to no end), ours wrapped w/ construction paper decorated by Evan and hers in newspaper - and both of us just loving our gifts' wrapping, and knowing the other would too! And the smile on Evan's face as his dad told me, "Evan wants to give her the present".

8. Listening to Evan and Amelie's "Ooh"s and "Ahh"s as we watched all the lights on peoples' lawns while driving places.

9. Finding a Christmas ornament I think my hubby will really love...some years I just didn't find anything that inspired me.

10. Telling Kevin about hearing the first Bob Dylan Christmas song I ever had. And then ordering his Christmas album and thinking about whether we'll love it or just laugh at it once we listen. (Kevin never reads this blog, so if you see him - mums the word!)

11. Creating some custom-made, personalized gifts for the favorite people in my family.

12. My feeling of utter gratitude (and an itsy bit of pride, thanks to Reverend Wendy), that even though I grew up not going to church or learning much about Jesus, and even though I don't think I've quite figured out all that I do and don't believe...my kids (esp. Evan) are really into Jesus's birthday this year, and I think they kind of understand what was/is so special about Him.

13. Spending this Christmas thinking more about God and my blessings, enjoying all the moments of this season, and worried and fretting less about what has to get done....than I ever have in my life. And realizing how much Kevin and my children have had to do with making this happen.

Christmas is Coming & For Heaven's Sake (Part 2)

2009-12-09T17:02:00.000-08:00

Recently I blogged about how pleased I am that we are bringing up our children up with as strong a faith foundation as we can, with the help of a wonderful faith community. And about our efforts to make Christmas about Jesus at least as much as it is about presents and all the wonderfully fun stuff that well, isn't.

And I am just thrilled with how it is going. Their aunt gave me a link to a website with wonderful crafts...both secular and Jesus oriented. I think these have been a big part of their growing excitement. THey love the crafts, the act of making things...and they are tied to Christmas and so I think the excitement transfers to Christmas.

But they are also excited at the Advent time about JESUS. Evan keeps talking about Jesus "coming". I hope he isn't expecting him to walk through the door Christmas morning. ;-) But I love that he is excited about celebrating Jesus's birthday at this period of time. As I mentioned in Christmas is Coming, I grew up not even really knowing what Advent was.

We made some cards with candles cut out of pieces of construction paper..this actually came from a book published by the Le Leche League that their Godmother Jane sent me. Evan doesn't want to send it as a Xmas card, he wants to send it as a birthday card to Jesus. We've made Christmas trees out of green paper and glued ornaments on. Amelie insisted on gluing the ornaments on herself. This just pleases me to no end. She is so sure of herself. I hope she never loses that. I hope I only enhance the feeling and never do anything to undermine it. After putting them on the refrigerator, she pointed to it every day. We made snowman puppets. I had to cut out the shapes...and these snowmen looked pretty sad. They ADORED them.

Hope Church is celebrating Advent in part by starting worship with the children laying a path to Christmas and lighting an Advent candle. As Pastor Wendy noted, they approached this activity with such Awe and Wonder. (Capitals, yeah!). The first week they laid down paper "leaves" to lay a paht for Jesus. The second week they laid a path of "water" for Him. They both came back to our pew smiling ear to ear. And they are also attending the Sunday School each Sunday now...for the whole time before they come back for Communion! (I just love that children are part of communion).

And their godmother Jane sent us two lovely Christmas books,The Christmas Baby by Sally An Wright, and The Moon Shines Down by Margaret Wise Brown. Evan just adores the pop up manger scene in THe Christmas Baby. He keeps asking why it folds up in the book. ;-) After I read it each night, he wants to hold it and look at it, and has fallen asleep with it in his arm. And he asks so many *questions* about the places talked about in The Moon Shines Down. We all love the artwork, and MWB's language is as beautiful as it is in Big Red Barn. It only mentions Christmas at the end...but it is after showing the experiences of young people all over the world...and so the child knows a little about each of those places before being told (or reminded) that Christmas is celebrated in lots of places.

I'm especially thrilled to have these because we only had A House Mouse Christmas. It is a lovely sweet book with beautiful illustrations (I really love House Mouse designs), but it has nothing to do with Jesus. We'll also be getting Bear Stays Up for Christmas (by the author of Bear Snores On...a Kelly Household favorite) from Nana. But we're looking right now for more childrens' books about Christmas, both secular but also especially ones about Jesus. I am eager to have a bigger collection next year.

And Evan told me tonight, "I don't want Santa to come, just Jesus". My eyes really started to tear up. It was the sweetness of what he said, but it was more just incredible gratitude that for all my poking around in the dark about what and how to teach my babies about Christmas, and not a lot of teaching on my part...my son is really into Jesus and his birthday!We will be doing Santa, on the modest side. But I'm thrilled my kids knew much more about Jesus before ever even HEARING the name Santa. I think they will get a big kick out of Santa...and I am really excited to leave out cookies with them (and carrots for the Reindeer). And the giggling and not wanting to go to sleep, but wanting Christmas morning to come. THe plan right now is to not be home on Christmas morning this year or next, but I'm already looking forward to Christmas morning 2011

So the Kelly home doesn't have its Christmas tree yet, and the only decorations we have up are the ones the children have made. But it sooo doesn't matter to the kids. They are already beginning to understand what Christmas is really about...and they're plenty excited about that.

The Little Things...

2009-12-09T07:37:00.000-08:00

There are so many "big" things I love about Evan and Amelie. How loving they are, how thoughtful and sweet they can be, their incredible appreciation for anything and everything, even the smallest little thing you do for them. They are so friendly to everyone. And I am so happy for the way Evan is really appreciating the *true* meaning of Christmas.

But there are so many little things too, that bring me such joy and so many smiles throughout our crazy days.

1. The way Amelie gets up and does her best impersonation of Dora when they sing "We did it!" at the end...twisting her little self and moving her arms back and forth in a twisty motion.

2. The way Evan remembers the littlest of details about places and events we were at months ago!

3. Evan loves to hear stories about when he was little. He got a kick out of my telling him that when he was less than a year old, he loved any book with pictures of the moon...and at bedtime when we would read them, he would go to the window (or just look out if we were on the bed by the window) and point and say, "Moon!".

4. The way Amelie thinks about people and what they need just about *all* the time. I can be having a conversation with Kevin (Daddy if you're reading this someday kids ;-) and mention I have to go get something or I need something and she runs and gets it before I even get up!

5. One of their favorite shows right now is Wubzy (esp. Amelie). There is one character who puts up his hands and wiggles his fingers and says, "That's Kooky" to things he finds strange. Both of them, but esp. Amelie, love to put their hands up and do the same motion and say "That's Kooooky!" too! They have big grins on their faces and it is so cute. I'd love to get a picture to go with this, but it happens so fast, I probably won't be able to.

6 The joy they are taking from our CHristmas crafts. They made snowmen out of paper last week, and for *days*, Amelie would point to it on the refrigerator and say, "Mommy help me make that!" And they both just go to town with anything I give them to color. I was so surprised to see Amelie pasting Christmas ornaments on to her paper tree by herself! And neither of them care what they end up looking like...that's my hang up. So I'm trying to ignore that and just reinforce their pride in their creations. I know that is the best thing I can do to help foster their creativity.

More and more to come...

Toys & taking it easy on myself

2009-12-07T05:25:00.000-08:00

There was a battle going on at my house a while back. It was me versus all of the toys we have in this house. And I won...and then I lost. Welcome to motherhood. ;-)

We have *never* done a toy donation or give away...we still have every toy the kids have gotten since they were born, basically. That's a big part of the problem. So I finally hit rock bottom one day, as my crutches were landing on every little part of every toy (figure tons of toys x tons of parts to many of them = a sea of tiny parts!)...and Evan would often start just tossing them all around frantically when he would get in "a mood" (born of tiredness, boredom or just being 3...or some combination of the three). There were too many things for him to throw.]

I have unique and odd needs when it comes to organizing toys, because of my disability. I can't lean over and pick up toys after toy to put them away. Down, up, down up, down up is just too tiring for me because I have a weak back. And lots of tiny parts on the floor are just a minefield for crutches. So after getting some much needed help from folks, I came up with a plan.

So my family and friends came to my rescue at various points over the next couple of days. And then I got smart. All of the toys with lots of pieces went downstairs to our family room with a RUG. And ones with little pieces that would get lost under the couches down there went to their room (rug again). So I wouldn't slip on the little buggers. And I put a rule in place: the toys stay in their respective rooms as much as possible, but if you bring one to another room, you put it back when you're done. We moved their toy shelf with bucket (w/ LOTS of piece) into our room, so Evan would stop toppling the whole thing over, buckets and their contents and all. THe rule for that was you take one bucket and a time, and only can take another bucket after you put the first one back.

I felt really brilliant. And now I feel SO freakin' naive and stupid. Of course neither of us keep on them all the time to keep things where they go. And so now my house is a not-so-Holy mess AGAIN. And the fact that they have a bizillion toys, books, etc. makes piles and mountains of things to wade through when they all get tossed about.

THis is one of very few "negative" posts, because I try to keep to recording the lovely memories...but I know some other moms read this...and I gotta be real. Sometimes I feel like the most unorganized mom (and wife - homemaker I guess is the word ;-), horrible disciplinarian, and just overall incompetent mother/wife. And since that's 99.9% of my identity these days...it means I'm an unorganized, incompetent PERSON.

My niece Shelley Abreu just blogged about these feelings, and I think she is the most creative, thoughtful on-top-of-everything person. And I hear other moms (mostly on Facebook)voice the same feelings. Shelley questioned why all these great moms all seem to have these same insecurities. And if you're in this boat, you should hop on over and read it. It made me feel so much better...just like talking to my other mom friends always does.

This was just going to be a rant on how toys are running my life. But it would be such an incomplete picture. Because I am saved by the support of these other moms on a daily basis. And I think that is a much more valuable message.

Handmade for the Holidays

2009-11-24T20:57:00.000-08:00

I admire this so much. This woman's children are SMALL! I can picture *maybe* doing some of this when my kids are both in grade school. But I post this as a reminder of a wonderful goal for the holidays. If you're reading this, maybe you will take the "challenge".

The passing of time...

2009-11-24T10:47:00.000-08:00

I started this blog on January 3, 2005 - a little over a year before my first child was born. So it is pretty wild to read one of my earliest blog posts.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-24T04:51:00.001-08:00

Well, my last post was intended to be a list of all I'm thankful for, and while I did mention a few things, I used the excuse that this blog is "about my children" to avoid sitting and really thinking deeply about *all* the things I am grateful for. Maybe because it is because its such a long list, it's embarrassing to think about how often I gripe. But this blog, as I've mentioned, is as much to tell my children "how their Momma felt about things" (to steal a quote from Amy Grant, again) as it is to share things about their childhood I want us all to remember. So here goes:

I'm grateful for my children. For their cheery dispositions, and sweet personalities (among other things).

I'm grateful for my faith community, and for this rich Spiritual time in life. I wish that I always felt this way about my faith, and the growth and maturing of my faith...but I'm grateful for the fact that in times when I'm frustrated by my lack of Spiritual growth or excitement, I now know and remember that it always comes back, eventually.

I'm grateful for my dishwasher. We didn't have one during our 10 years in Arlington. :-)

I'm grateful we could afford a lovely home, with all the space we need, and an attached garage so I don't have to walk over an icy walkway or climb icy stairs in the winter time.

I'm grateful that my children, especially Evan, seem to be growing up *very* aware of Jesus and God. I made it to adulthood with a vague understanding of God that served me just fine, but I'm grateful my children will hopefully grow up always knowing that God is always there for them. People will fail them, as I have more times than I like to think about...but God never will.

I'm grateful for my childrens' Godparents, who are thoughtful, caring, devout people who actively help us in our efforts to raise our children knowing God. And have taught me a thing or two too. I'm grateful for their "god sisters" too...who are sweet and loving, and love my kids too.

I'm grateful for the big beautiful window in our living room. Right now there is NO sun coming in through it...but in the fall, it gives us a view of a gazillion beautiful leaves. (OK, I just have to say I am socked that spell checker says gazillion is really a word - I thought I'd made it up! LOL!).

I'm grateful for Springtime at our home, when our front window will be filled with the pink flowers from the tree right in the front of the house, and our *two* lawns on either side of the house will be awash with color from all the flowers we'll have.

I'm grateful to my husband, mother-in-law *and* my kids for planting all those bulbs!

I'm grateful to my husband, who does such a lovely job in general with our "landscape" - its big, and its a lot of work. I'm grateful he strings lights on a tree in our backyard and that our kids think its so cool we have TWO Christmas trees.

I'm grateful for Facebook. I've spent too much time on it this past year, but it got me through a rough patch of being stuck in the house with the babies too much, and my grief over losing my aunt.

OK, so more specifically, I'm grateful to all of my FRIENDS on Facebook and the chance to reconnect with some of them, and to be in more contact with some others. I'm grateful for all the helpful advice and support, especially from my fellow mom friends. But I'm also grateful for all the "littler" interactions of just hearing about peoples' days, and lives...and sharing mine.

I'm grateful for our master bathroom. I just love having a bathroom door *in* my room! (I especially appreciated it when I was pregnant ;-)

I'm grateful that my son, who was born too early, did just fine and never had any lingering problems as a result. I'm grateful for my friends and family, especially my husband, for supporting me when I was so nervous before he left the hospital.

I'm grateful for music. It has blessed my life with joy, encouragement, comfort, and inspiration. I'm grateful that my children love music.

I'm grateful for hot drinks in the winter, especially cider and the lovely flavors of coffee there are in the fall & winter. :-)

I'm grateful for the YMCA. I haven't lost much weight, or gotten in the shape I wish I had by now...but I know that I'm healthier for all the pounds I've lifted and the cardio work. I'm grateful to the staff there who are SO encouraging and helpful, and to the pals I have there who help pass the time.

I'm grateful that my Dad and my aunt were in my life, that their spirits live on in me through their example and all they taught me, and that I'll see them again someday. And for my half sister Bev and the poetry she shared with me, and especially my half-brother Rick, who never felt like "half" anything.

I'm grateful for my mom, especially for all the support she's given me since I became a mom.

I'm grateful for my "light box" and being able to handle dark winters better.

I'm grateful for how appreciative and joyous my kids are. Especially the way Evan points out everything he thinks is just so great!

I'm grateful for my daughter's sunny disposition, the way she loves to help, how much she's talking these days and the way she wanders out here to the living room in the morning and asks to be picked up.

She just did that, so that's the end of my list....at least for now. Happy THanksgiving everyone!

Gratitude

2009-11-22T11:02:00.000-08:00

I hope I am raising my kids to be grateful. I've been working on this blog entry for quite a while now, probably because I am guilty of forgetting all of my blessings, in the midst of keeping up with two toddlers...but now its just in time for Thanksgiving, and to share this video of Moose A. Moose from Nick Jr. singing a song about being grateful for having so much to share! I am blessed that I have very grateful, appreciative children. They are always so excited by every little thing we do, so grateful for anything we give or do for them. They're setting an example I hope to live up to someday.

I don't think of myself as a particularly UN-grateful person, but lately I know I have let little annoyances and small, temporary inconveniences make me grumpy and negative. I'm grateful that it isn't very long after I'm in one of those moods, one of the kids or Kevin does something so cute, funny or just plain sweet that I snap out of it. I only wish that I was better at remembering just how blessed my life is when I am stressed or tired, and let out my "less-than-best-self".

I'm always thinking and talking about how I want my kids to grow up realizing that not everyone has all of the blessings we do. Around the world, and right here in our own country, there are people who have to struggle for things we just take for granted. There are people who don't have enough *food* to eat, or who can't afford to have a doctor take care of them. How wonderful it would be if my kids could live long enough to see a time when this world has figured out a way to work together to make sure everyone has what they need. How much more joyous life would be, if we had a more just world.

Evan is singing the Moose Thanksgiving song right now. I hope they always realize the blessings they have. I think they will. And I hope they always know (and I always remember to tell them) how grateful I am for them, and the joy they've brought to our lives.

Our childrens' play lives

2009-11-16T13:20:00.000-08:00

Pretend or fantasy play has been a part of our children's lives for a while now. Evan likes to turn over a little tot seat that they've both outgrown, and call it his "Coffee store" (He is very in tune with his mother's love of coffee ;-). And he and Amelie both love to play kitchen with their Dora kitchen (although Evan will use it just as often as his drum set).

Amelie has also always loved to line things up, from her little people ("MY people" she calls them), to lining up all the tea cups and plates that Grandma gave them in a row on the table. Kevin and I both laughed last night when she lined up all the cards from her Dora concentration game in a nice straight, Looong row across our bedroom floor. (This was during one of her more and more common nights of insomnia.). And just now, I walked into our room to find her with the cards in nice little rows...and she had all of the garden tools Nana gave the kids neatly packed in the pockets of her overalls, and holding the play watering can, she was WATERING the Dora cards. She seems very proud of her pink, red and purple garden.

Something must be falling 'into place' around here amongst all the craziness. I'm noticing these sweet moments more and more. And we're starting to get into CRAFTS. God help me. I think it is a good sign that my copy of Rosie's Crafy U that used to overwhelm me, is actually getting me excited. Off to browse Michaels.com and some other sites for some craft supplies. Or maybe not...here comes my little gardener with all of her "flowers" tucked neatly in her pockets.

Christmas is Coming - be part of the Conspiracy

2009-11-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

I was not brought up at all religious. My only experiences with church were at my cousins' major Catholic services, but I never was taught about them, so I just felt weird at them mostly. I didn't even know the Lord's prayer, and when it was recited in church, I just felt awkward.

Since then, I've come to a strong faith that makes me want to try to live as best I can, using the lessons from Jesus as my guide. I've participated in bible studies, attend church regularly, and developed my own Spiritual take on Easter and the other Christian holidays, rather than the fundamentalist perspective I'd heard about, or just a secular view of family get-togethers and eating lots of food.

But I only recently started to learn about Advent, and to try to make it as meaningful a time as Christmas Day. Hope Church has some wonderful resources (for Lent too, btw), and we have some advent calendars But really...more than just observing Advent, I feel called to make Christmas more about Jesus's birth and life than about all the other (albeit it lovely) "stuff". OK, not all of it is lovely. Christmas can be a very stressful time for a lot of people because of the misguided importance we put on presents and other "things".

This is where websites like Advent Conspiracy and its sister site Rethinking Christmas might be useful to folks who want to simplify their Christmas so they can spend more time and energy really connecting with family, and giving thanks for Jesus.

I for one have been trying to do this for many years. Its just too easy to fall prey to the worries about "the perfect Christmas" (think Norman Rockwell), and giving the perfect gifts - especially if you are on the receiving end of incredibly generous Christmas gifts. But I think perhaps the key isn't so much in working to make the Christmas season NOT be something, but putting so much time and attention into the things it should be about, there just won't be as much time to worry about those other things. And in trying to simplify our lives, we can "live simply so that others may simply live", something Jesus would certainly approve of.

Ritual & Tradition

2009-11-03T11:42:00.000-08:00

Evan and Amelie's folks tend to be nontraditional. In fact, I think we both pride ourselves on rejecting tradition sometimes, especially when said tradition just doesn't make any sense.

That said, I hunger to have rituals and traditions in our home, mostly for the childrens' benefit, but for us as a family as well. And I'm realizing that these traditions or rituals don't have to be highly spiritual or impressive to be valuable. They just have to be honest. There are some traditions in our house, and I guess it is important to recognize the ones you already have, in an effort to develop more.

It is a ritual in our house that the end of the day ends with stories and a cup of milk. I read a gazillion books (it feels like at the end of the day), and when they start to get sleepy, they have their milk. Once they finish their milk, it isn't long before they nod off.

Even the books themselves have their own ritual. Cookie's Week (a must at bedtime) is a book about a busy cat who gets into different mischief each day of the week. And various consequences ensue - Cookie knocked a plant off the window sill, there was dirt everywhere. Cookie jumps in a kitchen drawer, the pots and pans are everywhere, etc. Well now, I read what Cookie does, and Evan chimes in with the second part with much enthusiasm. He likes "helping" read a story, and I think he's proud of himself that he remembers all of it.

There are other book rituals. The last books are always The Going to Bed book by Sandra Boynton, Big Red Barn, and Bear Snores on. And recently I've been making more of a point to read one or two bible stories from one of the baby bibles their Godparents have given them.

Rice cakes

2009-10-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

Yep, rice cakes. I am continually floored by the things that "matter" to a toddler. What things have to be just so seems to be random and with little logic. But that's just because I can't read their minds, I'm sure they would tell me.

Both of my kids have utter disdain for a rice cake that is not whole. Telling them that the two pieces taste the same apart as they did together, is just insulting to them.

Evan seems to perhaps be getting a little better about this, but I don't want to count those chickens. This afternoon, I gave Amelie a rice cake upon request. I made *sure* that it was a whole one. (I've got a collection of pieces collecting for the days in which I don't have as much of an emotional need for carbs and I can stomach rice cakes). But then, she broke her rice cake in half, by accident of course. She handed the pieces back to me. When I gave them back to her, she knelt down, knees bent and wailed, "Rice CAKE!" Obviously I am too dense to realize it was no LONGER a rice cake.

I suppose I should not begrudge my children their little idiosyncratic ways. I used to line up my M&M's on my desk at my summer telemarketing job by color. My supervisor called everyone in to look at them. At least I don't do that to my kids. And when I take the silverware out of the dishwasher, I often curse myself for not loading the last load, because the various utensils are not grouped together in such a way that it is quicker and easier to sort them.

This is the first story I've recorded that I wonder if my kids will be mortified to read, knowing this blog was public until they were old enough to insist I take it down, and stop blabbing about them to the world. I hope not. I hope I teach them to love themselves enough that they can love themselves with all their foibles, not care what anyone else thinks, and be able to laugh at themselves.

Now I know my ABCs

2009-09-29T12:40:00.000-07:00

Evan identified 13 letters on his Sesame Street ABC cards the other night. His dad had suggested we play a game...any letters he can identify, he kept that card. Any he didn't know, Mommy kept the card. He was proud to have named 13 of them. The very next night, he identified 15 of his letters. I made a big deal about him learning two more letters in one day, but this didn't impress him quite as much.

I try to focus their attention on their alphabet place mats whenever there is a lull in conversation at a meal. What I am really excited for, though, is when we put the POSTER up on the wall!

I can't believe how much Evan is learning, and how much he can do. It all seemed to happen SO fast! Amelie seems to be learning and growing even faster. This is probably true, and most likely because she gets to see Evan do things first, and she has the motivation to "do what Evan does". More about Amelie later...

Books, Glorious Books!

2009-09-24T21:21:00.001-07:00

We have a few really good pictures of the kids with books, but we have to get more. They love books so much, and that makes me SO happy. Amelie brings me books and says "read me" all the time.

However, a really funny picture today was of the "train" of books she made. Or I think she calls it a bridge. Anyway...she has always liked to line things up....her people, and before that it was blocks. Today was a whole other level. Her room had one long stretch of books across it. She was very proud of it.

The book they hear last every night is "The Bear Snores On". I love the Sandra Boynton books...and this is saying a lot because I don't usually like books with short, rhyming lines. ;-) This is usually the second-to-last book we read. Of course we all love Big Red Barn. Evan especially loves "I Kissed the Baby". Amelie loves to be tickled at the tickling part. They both love a book from their Godfamily called Hugs for Baby. Amelie loves her Dora the Explorer stories book.

And I am really excited that Evan requests bible stories now. We must be doing *something* right. ;-) He calls his baby bible his "Hope Church Bible". I think it is wonderful that he feels such a connection to his church. Their Godparents are very active in their lives, all the way from PA. They regularly send books to them. In addition to their baby bibles we read from, they gave them a book called "What is God's Name". It is a lovely story about people having names for God related to what God means to them (the nurse called God "Healer", the lonely child called God "Friend", the soldier, "Maker of Peace"). I found it a very good omen that this book was the first whose artwork drew in Evan's attention so much that he pointed to it over and over.

Evan's first trip to the library with his preschool class was very exciting. He picked out a book about Elephants. He is very excited about the library!

When he was little, Evan loved pictures of the moon, particularly in Good Night, Moon. He would point to any picture of the moon and exclaim, "Moon!". Too bad by the time I had compiled a good list of moon themed books, he was out of that phase. ;-) He also used to love when I would read Olivia, to point to the picture of an actual painting that Olivia sees at a museum. It really impressed me that the thing that stuck out most for him was a piece of "fine art". ;-)

There is so much more to say about books...and I'll either add to this post and/or post more as they discover and explore more books!

The little tidbits

2009-09-24T21:10:00.001-07:00

Most of my memory collecting has been in groups of things, sort of tying them together in a theme (like music, etc.). But tonight Evan and I were in the car waiting for Kevin to come out of the store getting baby wipes. Evan asked me where he would get them in the store and I told him they would be with the diapers and other "baby stuff". Then he asked if there were toys there. I told him there might be a few little toys for little babies, but most toys for big kids were in a bigger store.

And for some reason the memory of buying him a little cow who would moo when you pressed his belly came to me. I told him that was the first toy I ever got for him, so we should keep that one, even when we give his other toys to other kids when he's tired of them.

And then I remembered how much Evan loved TAGS when he was a baby. I guess this is not unique, because some ladies have made a whole line of toys called "Taggies" with tags on them. Evan loved tags so much, he often went straight for them on ANY toy...and would often be more interested in a toys tag than any other thing about it. So I went a little nuts in the gift store one day and get a taggie blanket, a taggie ball, a taggie rattle...LOL

I will have to amend this post with a picture of Evan w/ his taggie blanket as a baby sometime.

Amelie currently has a little baby doll in pink pjs that is "Baby". She sleeps with Baby. If she looks for her and can't find her, she has to be found. She's the "baby" she was changing with Desitin a while back (I'll come back and link to it here).
Speaking of the Desitin...Wednesday was an INSANE day. And one of the things my little devil of a boy did was to take the tube of the white creamy stuff...and smear it ALL OVER the top of my bedside table. (He's lucky there wasn't an Oprah magazine on it! ;-). He also got it all over his hands and legs (wearing shorts still), and on his face.

I can't easily plop him in the bath, so it was a sponge bath and take off your shirt...and I never did get to the Desitin, so Daddy got the honor of cleaning that.

For Heaven's Sake

2009-09-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

I didn't grow up in a church going family. This never bothered me, and I don't regret it now that I'm an adult "of faith" who goes to church either. I have friends who grew up in a faith tradition, and they have grown into adults with a strong faith. And that is wonderful. But I also know folks who spent their young adulthood doing things like (and this is a true story)taking turns with their friends going to church and finding out what the Homily was about so the other friends could lie to their folks and skip church.

I don't believe that this kind of behavior happens because there is anything inherently wrong with any faith, or the way these parents are trying their best to raise their children up in faith - both are blessings in peoples' lives.And I don't think this is a rampant happening. Most families pass down their faith in such a way as to help their children come to their own understanding of God and other things of a spiritual nature. They have a true grounding, and love of God, and so their children LIKE church and want to go because it is important to them, just as it was to their parents. But I prefer the way I came upon my faith, to a faith that isn't truly deep within me, because it was foisted upon me by well-meaning parents.

To contrast that first experience: A dear friend was recounting her daughter's experience on the bus one day. Another kid was making fun of her, and being really mean. She was on her own that day, because her sister didn't ride with her like she usually did. As her mom spoke to her about her experience and she was telling Momma how it felt, she said (paraphrasing)"It was really hard. But I thought about Jesus, and it made me feel better." I think its safe to say this parent was ecstatic about this. I even got a lump in my throat. If this is the kind of feeling and knowledge of God's love for them that my children carry around with them as a result of our spiritual teachings and their church experiences, it will be my proudest accomplishment as a Mommy.

I believe that God exposes Herself to us in a variety of ways. That's why we have so many different religions. But God is *everywhere*, "always speaking" to us (as the UCC church tells us). He uses all sorts of experiences to bring us to Him. So I am perfectly happy that I came to my faith through conversations with my mom about her upbringing and beliefs, my Dad's love of Amazing Grace and their love-your-neighbor way of being, some experiences in college, Amy Grant's music, my dear friend Dawn who I met right after college, my Quaker friend Jessie, and Lawrence - my dear friend, poetry mentor and spiritual inspiration. The Watertown and Arlington Street churches of the UU church, and our lovely UCC church here in town where Evan and Amelie were both baptized me, have fed me and helped me along my spiritual journey. And the amazing Hope Church that is both UCC and DOC, where we're are currently raising our children in the light of God.

So I came to my faith in a different way from my parents, and my children will come to their faith in ways that are different from their parents. But I've landed in a place in life where I am able to bring my children up in a strong faith community. And while I don't feel I missed out by not having that...I am blessed to be able to provide this for my children. God has, and continues to bless me beyond my imagination. (It's all God's Angels, watching over me ;-).

More on the joy of music

2009-09-22T09:24:00.000-07:00

So Amelie was sitting on the desk in front of me to listen to stories. My Slacker kids station was playing in the background. (We have many, actually ;-). I started to read, when I heard an audible gasp from my little girl. She swung around and exclaimed, "Laurie!"

And so it was; our favorite children musician - Laurie Berkner. Amelie pointed to the floor and said, "Drum!" She ran and got her little play drum (a nice soft one that you just hit with your hand instead of those dreaded, hazardous sticks). Once up with me again, she wanted down again...and went and retrieved two tambourines from our "music toys box". (I love that we have a whole box, bordering on two now, of just instruments!). She brought them to me and said, "Mommy, you play!"

We proceeded to "jam", as Jack would say. Amelie has started to do what Evan did at this age...sing the last word of each line, with a few others thrown in here and there. So there we were, singing "I'm Not Perfect"....my anthem these days. Funny how easily I tell my daughter that of course she isn't perfect...and I love her just as she is.

My friends have started to notice on Facebook that I put myself down a lot when I don't do "just the right thing". Or even screw up...as if I'm going to permanently damage my children. There are times when I really mess up and do something really not acceptable...but usually its just letting a mess happen, or something equally annoying, but not at all "harmful". Anyway...I'm glad that I'm at least telling my kids they don't need to be perfect to be loved...I just need to practice modeling that for myself.

So after that, we buzzed along to "Buzz Buzz" (again, courtesy of Laurie). Then came Big Bird, celebrating there is "Just One Me". Another great message for all of us. Amelie turned around and saw Big Bird's picture and giggled. (We're big on Sesame Street around here, too). And then Laurie sang to us about "a world without trees" (Can You Imagine). All these talented folks are really helping me be the kind of parent I've always imagined. I'm beyond grateful for the joy, the positive messages, and the love that music gifts our family with.

Food (and nourishment)

2009-09-21T11:35:00.000-07:00

The kids and I just had the most delightful lunch together. Everyone was quiet, and calm. But they were chatty. We talked about all sorts of things, like how we're looking forward to Nana and Aunt Jenn, Uncle Rob and cousin Nora's visit soon. They asked me questions, and answered mine. They both said "thank you" when I gave them their plates, and both cleared them, pretty well. What more could a mom really ask for?

We've been lucky since day one in terms of feeding the kids healthy foods. They both love almost every fruit, and they like a large enough collection of veggies that I can mix it up a little to keep them from getting bored, and the get a pretty good fill of vitamins. (They like broccoli, corn and sweet potato...so you've got THREE colors right there! :-)

We are fortune to live near several Farmer's Markets. Over the summer, watermelon was a BIG hit. We started serving bigger and bigger pieces, as they were coming back for seconds over and over. They both started exclaiming about how big their pieces were...bragging almost. ;-)

The Farmers' Markets of summer have also been a lovely opportunity to talk about "where" our food comes from, and the folks who help get it to us. I'm woefully uneducated about what grows here when, so its hard for me to know what foods to plan to buy that will be grown within a 50 mile radius. But I want to learn. Hope Church had a "Local Food Pot luck" recently. This is such a great place for us to learn new and exciting ways to live as Jesus would want us to. People there are just so conscience of how the things we do, buy, eat, the places we shop, etc., effect the people of the world and this planet. And food choices is just one way they are helping us learn to live a more socially, globally conscience life.

My preschooler!

2009-09-20T13:03:00.000-07:00

Evan started preschool this fall. His group at school is called "The Lollipops"...I'm Mama to a Lollipop! I just love this. And this week, we got our first parent newsletter! I can't express how excited I was to be in proud possession of my first parent newsletter!

Evan is loving preschool. He went off happy as a clam from day 1. (Both children slept in their "big kid beds" in much the same way....we are truly blessed). I called my mom the night before. "I'm NOT sad...I'm just - EMOTIONAL!", I told her. I got a bit of a lump in my throat as he headed down the stairs with his Daddy, his little red lunchbox in hand, too.

He doesn't seem to like to talk about his day when he first gets home. "Maybe later", he'll say. Or "Not this day". But over dinner a few nights later, he'll tell me about one of his friends' favorite colors, or a picture he drew. We have his first-ever drawing done at preschool. The teacher wrote a quote from him on the bottom of it. "I'm drawing circles!". This is such a thoughtful touch, and quite characteristic of his teachers. They do everything in such a thoughtful way.

Evan only had a bright and chipper morning from the moment he opened his eyes, once. The next preschool morning (he goes two days a week), he groaned and wouldn't open his eyes or even turn over onto his back. I somehow managed to get his pants and shoes and socks on without his participation at all, until I finally had to insist he wake up and help me out a little. But by the time he is done with breakfast, he is going in the refrigerator for his lunchbox and ready to go.

The first afternoon after school, Kevin told me that the teachers said that at naptime, he wanted to sleep with the note I left in his lunchbox. I know I'm a mush-ball...something Evan will probably tell me when he's older. (I can only hope he says it affectionately ;-). But the tears started to well from my eyes. This whole experience of my baby's first "growing up" experience is something else!

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Drumming!

2009-09-17T20:16:00.001-07:00

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The Sound of Music

2009-09-17T14:43:00.000-07:00

It makes my heart sing to think that I am passing down the love of music that my parents instilled in me to my children. Kevin and I both love music. And our children are already following in our footsteps.

Evan enjoys playing his toy violin. His favorite song (of the 12 or so you can play automatically on this toy) is what has become known in our house as "the yellow button song". Its "My Love is Blue", and I have to look up the composer's name. But he always goes for this song, hums it when he isn't playing...and was pretty tickled when we heard it on the radio the first time. I think what impressed me most is that he has held the violin in precisely the right way, from almost the first time he "played" it.

He also likes to "play" the piano. Luckily, our piano is downstairs...so we can listen from a distance.

Evan likes to drum the best. He has a collection of "drums" sitting in the dishwasher before we close it. (The pasta pot, strainer and other assorted pots). Lately he has taken to drumming along with songs we play on the cd player in the kitchen. (This was a gift from my dear Aunt Barbara "Auntie", though I have yet to get him hooked on country music like my aunt did for me.) I can definitely see him years from now, using our guest room (downstairs) as his drumming room.

Evan definately has favorite songs. At the moment they are "Victor Vito" by Laurie Berkner, and "Violin" by They Might be Giants. (He calls it "speck of dust", a line from the song.). Evan first discovered TMBG's on two DVDs we have about the alphabet and numbers. He loves the songs on these, and was very amused when he found out that some of them were on the cd "No No No!". He listens to these few favorite songs *over* and *over* again. The repeat button on the cd player has become my new best friend.

And Evan is his father's son. His memory amazes me. He learned the lyrics to the song "Alphabet of Nations" - at THREE years old. I don't think I could ever memorize the whole song! He sings many other lyrics to TMBG...and these are not repetitive songs to say the least.

Amelie enjoys playing her guitar with Evan. I think she likes the *idea* more than actual playing...since this guitar broke and doesn't actually make any sound anymore. But she rocks back and forth in a way that would make Wynonna proud. (Girls With Guitars). :-)

Another singer Evan likes is Elizabeth Mitchell. He loves "Peace Like a River". This is a cd we mostly listen to in the car, and often this song is on repeat for the whole trip. We always listen on the way to church. At church he loves the "Amen" that is sung when the offering is brought forward by the children. He also likes her "Alphabet Ditty"...its just an ABC song, but it is funky.

The other day I asked Evan if there were any instruments we didn't have that he would like. He told me he wanted a clarinet and a saxophone. We have lots of music to look forward to!

Blogging my childrens lives...and my life with them.

2009-09-14T08:19:00.000-07:00

In the liner notes for her album Lead Me On, Amy Grant tells her son Matt firstly, how glad she is to "finally see him face to face". How I can relate...I talked to Evan just about every day in my tummy during those long months. I remember watching Amelie move around in my tummy when I laid back in the bathtub, and I told her how we couldn't wait for her to "get here".

But she also mentions how she wants them to know "how their Mama felt about things". I guess that is part of the reason I want to keep this blog, and hope it will be even more special to them than a baby book filled with facts about their "firsts", because I am hopefully expressing how all of these events in their development bring me such extraordinary joy.

To that end, I've thought about either deleting all the posts that aren't about "joy" (i.e. are about stress!) when this is all over and I'm ready to share this blog with them....or not blogging about those feelings anymore. Well, for starters, that is just not an option. I use this space as much to process my feelings as to record events in their lives and my reaction to them. And in the end, I want them to know that even in the times when bringing them up was challenging, I loved them to pieces.

And who knows? Maybe sharing my parenting challenges and how I tried to react to them as "my best self" will help them with their own parenting someday. Sharing only the cute moments gives their story a disingenuous feeling. (It's not like they never see their Mama lose her cookies, much as I work to not do that in front of them). Life with Evan and Amelie is amazing. Having my children has made my life richer and more joyous than I ever could have imagined. And they are teaching me lessons I probably never would have learned without them.

Alternative Alphabet poster

2009-09-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

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The Things Kids Say

2009-09-03T06:06:00.000-07:00

I get such a kick out of so many cute and clever things my children do. And the things they say. This list will get edited as I collect more to add.

Evan

"Daddy cooks on the grill just like Sponge Bob!"

Evan: "Pick me up, Amelie."
Amelie: "No, Evan!"
Evan: "You can't Amelie, that's because you're little."

"That's you, Mommy!" (Pointing to an image similar to this one below on his Alternative Alphabet place mat.)

Amelie

"Thank you" and "No thank you" (notable I think because she's only 2 and says them every time)

Argh! I can never think of them all when I sit down to write. Like I said, will have to edit/add to this later.

Evan's first day of school

2009-09-01T06:36:00.001-07:00

Amelie loves to line up things. It started with *all* of the little figurines I mentioned she collected in her little containers. (This collection is growing as she commandeers more and more figures from other toys to join her crew, btw). Now she likes to line up her letter blocks.

This may seem so mundane, but it is these sweet little tiny details of their childhood I most want to remember...maybe because they seem like the things I'll most likely forget. But they are just so sweet and full of wonder...it makes me smile to think about.

I am going to start playing the Slacker station I created using just Laurie Berkner's name. It results in Laurie's songs, but also great folks like her. (I added Peter Paul and Mary and Pete Seeger and Sally Rogers and Elizabeth Mitchell for a really great combo of music). I also added some "grown up" folk singers who focus most on peace and justice, because there's nothing wrong w/ kids listening to some grown up music and these messages are important to me.

Amelie and I are listening to it right now, and she is just sooo happy! Children should have lots of music around them as much as possible...and I haven't been doing a great job of making sure this happens.

So this peaceful moment with my daughter is brought to you today by Evan's preschool. ;-) But he will be home any minute now (from his *first* day) and I can't *wait* to hear how he liked his day. He woke up so happy and in such a sweet mood. He was a bit more snuggley than usual (or maybe it seemed that way to me as I prepared to say goodbye). I think it might have been the only possible hint he gave of any apprehensions. He was really just completely happy to go. We took a picture of him with his lunchbox, so when we're old and forgetful we'll remember this was his first day of school. When I get Kevin to transfer pictures to the computer I will post one here.

Anyway...if you're reading this, I'd love to know! Send me a note or post a response. I'm not quite as obsessed with getting readers as I used to. This blog is really becoming the kids' baby book. I will treasure it when I'm old. God help me, please don't let the internet blow up! :-)

And Here We Go!

2009-08-31T09:32:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of the new school year. Evan has his first day of preschool tomorrow. This school seems like a vibrant, caring place that will be a wonderful place for him to make friends, learn exciting things, and maybe even help him with some of his "less than stellar" behaviors. ;-)

He really is a wonderful child, but he has some of the typical 3 year old tendencies. And I'm still struggling to figure out how to discipline in some situations. Since I can't carry him or even drag him to his time out area, when he needs a time out I just hold him and not let him go...and that's his time out. But if he's running around I can't grab him for a time out.

But today has been a pretty good day so far. There has been nutty-ness...he bit his little sister (lightly, thank goodness), and they both dumped a box of blocks onto the floor on purpose. I smiled inside at the proud way they "presented" it to me, arms outstretched singing "Mess, mess!". I didn't make them put them back in the box, because if they didn't comply there is no was I could enforce my expectation...one of many things I need to figure out this year, one day at a time.

They we came downstairs into their "playroom" (it's really the "family room"...but for now, its just their play room for the most part). Evan picked up his violin and pushed the yellow star on it, the "yellow button song", his favorite song the violin plays. I'm so tired of that one melody...there are at least 8 songs on this toy, but we only hear this one. But he was "playing" his violin, holding the bow and the tviolin in his chin just like a professional. (He's done this almost from the first day he got it). And his sister was holding her red guitar, like a little rocker. This guitar doesn't even play anymore, but she doesn't care...she rocks back and forth to the music like a pro. It was soooo cute.

Amelie handed me a little shaker/scraper toy instrument to play along. Evan doesn't like it when I sing along, so I wondered how he'd feel about this...but he just stood next to me and jammed along with me.

I have so many other memories I want to record here so I never forget them...like the way Amelie picks up a little microphone and does a "Biz's beat" a la Yo Gabba Gabba...but she wants me to read a story now. So for now...it's back to "real life". :-)

Growth

2009-08-30T13:12:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading "Pat the Bunny" to Amelie, and playing a good old game of peekaboo. She just *loves* peekaboo. Evan had his lunch out of his new lunchbox today, to 'practice' for lunchtime at preschool. He did a really great job.

I was very emotional about the passing of Ted Kennedy since I heard the news. (Kevin asked me if I was going to be as emotional about him as I was Tim Russert. This was his way of *telling* me, and I instantly knew it.) I knew it wouldn't be long, he had a dire diagnosis. But I'm sure his family also hoped he'd be the one exception and beat it.

It's hard to lose people who represent things that are important to you. For me, he represented overcoming adversity, and developing a sense of purpose from it. He represented the continuous fight for justice and equality. And all of the tributes to him on the news have taught me about what an important role he played in his family.

Certainly all that he accomplished in terms of civil rights in his job as Senator, makes me feel like I just sit on my butt. (I heard someone else say that on the news last night, and thought "yep".) And he wasn't just sitting 'on the hill" and passing legislation, though what he did in in that arena is incredible...his part in the Civil Rights Act, the ADA, the Family and Medical Leave Act...he's done so much to further the cause of justice in the country. I wasn't as aware of all of the personal relationships he forged, and what a personal interest he took in so many people in Massachusetts.

On a more personal level of his life, I hadn't realized how much he served as the "glue" of his family during their many tragedies. Up until now, when there has been a major loss in my family, (my father and my aunt) I've pretty much been only on the receiving end of support. I wasn't strong enough to be of much support to anyone else. That's a special kind of strength. It made me think about all the new responsibilities, including the emotional ones, that come with being a parent.

The world has lost something very special in Ted Kennedy. I can only hope we all do as Caroline Kennedy suggested, and pick up the torch and work to change our world for the better.

Note: I've read some wonderful tributes to Senator Kennedy...Bill Harley's "Thinking About Teddy" is one of my favorites...it says much of what I wanted to say in this post...but is much more eloquent (and less rambling ;-)).

Health Care

2009-08-28T07:55:00.001-07:00

I don't usually use this blog to post about political things anymore. I couldn't help myself doing the presidential campaign, and felt it was "relevant" because it had to do with the kind of country I want for my children.

And well, so does the health care issue, especially the issue of a "public option". I have very strong convictions that if the health insurances companies were that inclined to make sure EVERYONE had affordable, quality health care, they would have already. This is why I don't believe it can just be left up to them to be sure EVERYONE is covered. And this is why I believe in the public option element of reform. I know that my children have the privileges such that they will never have to worry about having good health care. But I don't want them growing up in a country with injustice. And not having the basic HUMAN RIGHT to quality health care is the greatest injustice I can think of.

Here's hoping that Senator Kennedy's dream of affordable quality health care for ALL is a reality very soon...

Fall

2009-08-28T07:30:00.000-07:00

I historically hate fall. I just have a really hard time with it. Feeling the warmth leave the air, watching the days grow shorter, it's all just so melancholy to me. And most of all, with the change, I can't help but think about the impending winter. I know that sounds so crazy, since winter is months away...I waste an entire season (and a very pretty one at that, here in New England) dreading another one. But I suppose you could understand, even if you aren't disabled yourself...that being so much less mobile, so much more house-bound, and having each outing take so much more physical and mental energy...would depress anybody. ;-)

All that said, I am very hopeful for this fall season. Both of our children are now sleeping in their own beds, which means Kevin and I both get a much more restful sleep. (Kevin gets less sleep than I do because of the number of hours he works planning his classes, but even his smaller amount of sleep is more comfortable now ;-). Right now, Evan is on a play-date at the house of a new friend from playschool.

He starts his full days on Tuesday and Thursdays next week. (We hope he'll love it as much as he has on his visits, even after he realizes Daddy won't be staying with him at preschool anymore). Amelie is sitting coloring at the dining room table. It is such a sweet, peaceful time. Amelie will have me all to herself for the first time ever in her little life. She will have a space to play and explore on her own, without anyone directing her, or taking her toys when she is playing. She and her brother love each other very much, and have a lot of fun together, but naturally there is a fair amount of time when her older sibling can be overwhelming. So I'm excited for her to have this time on her own this year, before she starting going to preschool with her brother.

I'm also hoping there will be a change in me. I'm on Wellbutrin, because I realized that my reaction to my stress was over the top, even though I know feeling stressed by taking care of two toddlers by myself on crutches is totally normal! I'm going to use my light box again, when we head into the shorter days with less light. I'm hoping that, coupled with a break from the intensity of watching two children, one with an incredible amount of energy and penchant for looking for something to do that he shouldn't be, will help me feel less overwhelmed this year. And mostly, I am hoping all of this will help me have the focus and energy to be a more focused, engaged, better parent.

Evan and Amelie are doing more and more new things every day. They are acting so grown up! Amelie has such nice manners, she doesn't just say "no" to something she doesn't want, she says "no, THANK YOU". Unfortunately, this is also something she says to a request to do something she doesn't want to do. ;-) And as maddening as the non-compliance can be, it also is just so freakin' cute...its hard to stay stern about my expectations sometimes. (This is definitely my biggest challenge, the fact that I can't physically pick them up and direct them to what I want them to do when they are refusing).

So fall is just about here...I can't believe it. But here we go!

Music music music

2009-08-25T08:03:00.000-07:00

A staple of quiet moments this summer has been "Let's Hear it for the Laurie Berkner Band"...we DVR'd it when Noggin aired it mid-July. They never tire of it. They also love They Might Be Giants "Here Come the ABC's" and "Here come the 1,2,3's". Evan especially loves the song about the 7's coming into someone's house and eating all the cake.

And our car ride home from NJ last night (many moments, but especially about the last half hour) was saved by Laurie Berkner songs, especially Victor Vito. And I love that song too, so it didn't become painful after the 20th repeating. ;-)

Evan and Amelie had fun with their cousin Nora this trip. They especially liked playing "Tent" with blankets on the living room floor and the couch.

Just some cute moments that make me smile.

Amelie says Amelie!

2009-08-25T07:56:00.001-07:00

So we've been trying to get Amelie to say Amelie for quite a while now. She names all of her family...especially loves to say Evan (whether it is in a loving way or an annoyed way ;-). But when you ask her to say Amelie, all she'll say is "me!" or "no". (She now says "no thank you" very politely, although she uses this response to refuse to do things as well.)

But yesterday morning at breakfast I asked her "who are you?" or something that phrased the question differently than "what is your name"...and she said "Amelie"...not excitedly, but very quietly. And now she won't do it again. She'll even say "Daddy" or "Evan" if you ask her her name. Oh well...it was a thrill for the moment it lasted. ;-)

Amelie loves all of the little people she has in her toy collection. She has actual "Little People" (the trademarked name) as well as some castle characters, and she loves to line them all up in a line. She sometimes puts them all lying down and covers them with a blanket. And she loves to carry them around in her little bug house (its like a cloth basket), or other baskets she has like her Halloween pumpkin or her yellow easter bucket.

Evan and Amelie both do such funny cute things, and I'm grateful for this space to write them down. I'm terrible about picking up a baby book and recording things, so this is a great place to make sure I don't forget these small, sweet moments.

Click here to view these pictures larger

It's a car, no it's a wheelchair...wait, it's a bed!

2009-08-17T12:52:00.000-07:00

So I thought Evan was pretending that the Diapers.com box he and Amelie were sitting in was a car. But then he informed me that it was a wheelchair (no, not because of mommy I don't think...I think the kid in the wheelchair on Pinky Dinky Doo actually gave him the idea ;-).

Then while I was reading HuffingtonPost.com, I look up and he is dragging it up the stairs. As he tries to drag it past my chairlift, he snags onto the switch on the arm of it, and it starts going up the stairs with him, and the box. "Why are you bringing the wheelchair upstairs, honey?"

"I want to turn it into a bed."

Busy box.

My Big Boy

2009-08-12T10:54:00.000-07:00

The kids are growing up so fast. The other night while we were having dinner on the porch, Evan turned to me and said, "Thank you for making us a nice dinner, Mommy!" (a dinner Kevin had cooked but oh well ;-). And today he drank from a big boy cup for the first time. (This is good, since I'm sure they don't serve drinks in sippy cups at playschool ;-).

I am so excited for Evan to go to preschool. Aside from getting a break two days a week, Amelie will get me to herself for the first time ever. And Evan is such a friendly, sociable boy, I'm eager for him to make more friends. It will be fun to hear about all the fun things he does at school, and maybe even get some ideas from school about fun things to do at home.

Right now they are clapping along to a Laurie Berkner song from the Noggin special "Let's Hear it for the Laurie Berkner Band". They love music and love to sing. Evan will only sing the theme from Fifi & the Flowertots on the way to the Flatbread Pizza near us....he says that's the "Flatbread song".

The children love to go places in the car. They love the car. And they are very appreciative. When we go out to the car now, they often will put out their arms and give the car a big hug and a kiss.

Heh...Laurie just sang about gettin' tired and they laid down on their blankets. But the next verse is "I'm jumpin' up", so no nap. ;-)The next song is about Energy...how appropriate, because they have SO much! LOL. They mostly play together very nicely. We're still learning "share" and "no take", but it will come. The crisis of this afternoon before lunch was the missing "remote" (a play remote that lights up but does nothing else). There was a lot of screaming. We finally found it in the sink of his Dora kitchen in the kitchen.

Evan is looking forward to going to Nana's house and see her washer and dryer downstairs. Whenever he mentions going to Nana's house, Amelie is sure to make sure her cat isnt' forgotten by chiming in, "Tommy too!" Every time.

And life goes on....

Plums

2009-07-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on the porch sharing a plum with the babies (well, actually just Evan, Amelie just spit out her first bite and wanted no part of it after that). I can't help but be reminded of the poem....

This Is Just To Say
by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

And on this afternoon, I can't help but think about Michael Jackson, who won't be able to watch his children grow up, to be there for them, and share in moments like this. And of my dad, and my aunt, who aren't here to see my kids childhood. And Tim Russert, who should have lived to see grandchildren. Makes you count your blessings.

misc. cute things from the kids

2009-06-22T12:40:00.000-07:00

I can't remember if I blogged about Amelie getting into the diaper box, and sitting down with a diaper and the *desitin* to change her baby doll. What a smart little cookie. Messy, but smart!

appreciative children

2009-06-17T05:36:00.001-07:00

So Evan said something this morning when he ran out into the living room, and I just had to write his daddy right away to tell him.

Every night Kevin collects all of their toys (we're talkin' hundreds...we have a ridiculous number of toys, this is quite a task each night), and every day the kids toss them all over the place. It is a thankless job.

Well, this morning, when Evan came out in the living room, he exclaimed, "Look! My house is all cleaned up!"

He's working on undoing this as we speak, naturally.

My sweet little boy

2009-06-15T14:41:00.000-07:00

I know every parent thinks their child is the smartest, the sweetest, etc. But I have just been blown away by Evan lately.

One night last week, I had a mad headache and took some Tylenol. The next morning Evan asked me, "Mommy are you all better? Do you need more medicine?". I told him I felt much better. Later that night and several times of the next few days he kept asking, "Mommy, you all better?". Yeah, sweetie...except for the lump in my throat I'm just fine. ;-)

This afternoon Evan was very said that his mother's helper couldn't make it. To make him feel better, I checked with Daddy and told him he would take him with him to the grocery store. He asked, "Amelie come too?" I said, "Probably not, honey. So let's not talk about it too much so Amelie won't feel bad".

He didn't miss a beat when he said to me, "But Mommy, the grocery store have carts and the carts have TWO seats, one for me and one for Amelie!". I have the sweetest children EVER. :-)

The Inspiration of Weddings

2009-06-08T11:06:00.000-07:00

My niece Shelley is blogging this time (over at With Arms Open Wide about a wedding she attended recently and how her own marriage has shaped her. I remember in our prayers of the people, we prayed that our wedding be not just our wedding, but a chance for the married folks there to commit to each other anew.

I thought about the things we promised each other in our vows. We wrote them very last minute (shhhhh! ;-), but they still stand up today to the struggles couples face.

One of my favorite vows was to love each other, even as life changes us. I think that's a big cause of divorce today, couples feeling like they can't stay together through changes...and really, isn't that what life is all about? Sticking with each other even as the hardships of life wear on you,and yes, change you.

Do I still struggle with some of my vows? Sure. And that's part of why they were my vows. I tend to be *very ungracious* when I'm mad (I'm being gentle with myself here ;-). So one of my vows is to "always speak graciously". Each year when Kevin and I re-read our vows to each other, I always break out laughing at that part, thinking about how badly I failed at that one - again. But thankfully, God gives us a fresh start every day. Even more miraculously, so does my mortal husband. ;-)

As we enter into the big wedding season, I hope all married folks who attend these miracles find themselves refreshed in their own commitments.

I also remember one of our prayers of the people being about our prayer that we raise children someday, to know and love God. My friend Dawn spoke that prayer for us, because she was my first spiritual mentor, and taught me much of what I know today about God. This was 11 years ago, when children seemed so far away...and I was so melancholy about our childless status for so many years after that. I had no idea the challenges that would come with this joy.

Weddings, what a wonderful opportunity to reflect.

Healing from Depression

2009-06-03T07:06:00.000-07:00

I thought this Daily Devotional from the United Church of Christ was too important not to share...for anyone who might happen upon it here, or for someone in your life.

Gracious words

2009-06-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

May we all strive to be more "spiritually generous" with our words. I know I could certainly afford to work a little harder at it. ;-)

We continue to screw up....

2009-05-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

I was sitting here not knowing what to do with my disappointment and anger that Prop. 8 was upheld by the California Supreme Court. And then I received this Franciscan Benediction from a great blog, Wheelie Catholic.

Food from Everywhere

2009-05-26T09:59:00.001-07:00

My sister-in-law gave our children (among many wonderful things), a set of play food from Step 2 that is multicultural food. She does something like this for most occasions. For Christmas it was Yo Yo dolls, an update of the classic quilter's doll made from scrap fabrics. They're each hand sewn by women artisans in Bolivia and Peru. Jenny Krauss, the company responsible for designing and sourcing the product, is committed to working with women artisans who have excpetional skill and very few options for other work.

It means so much when folks give our children gifts that reflect an understanding and appreciation for the values and lessons I want to teach them.

Remember

2009-05-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

some of the best moments of motherhood

2009-05-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

So I'm waiting and waiting for my mother's day present to arrive...and I've been annoyed I don't have it yet. This afternoon I was coming back up my stair-lift after checking the mailbox, disappointed it still isn't here, and as I rise up the stairs, I see through the banister that my little (almost) 2 year old girl has stacked SIX of her blocks in a tower. And my son came out from the kitchen with a package of string cheese and announced, "Mommy, I want some string cheese! See,we have a whole package." My kids impress/amuse me so much.

Blogging Against Disablism Day 2008

2009-05-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

Today is Blogging Against Disableism Day. People are invited to post their contributions. Mine is this: Able-bodied Privilege : Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack. I posted it online in May of 2000.

Mother's Helper

2009-04-06T11:19:00.000-07:00

When I told Evan to finish his lunch up because Kelsey (my mother's helper - try mother's GODSEND) was coming, he started making a "ding-dong" sound like the doorbell...and little baby sister Amelie (that's what he calls her) joined right in.

This time last year, Auntie had just died and I was just heartsick that the Hope and Faith I had put into the fact that it was Easter time was for not. I was completely expecting a miracle - it was Easter after all.

So I try to focus on the bigger miracle, that I will see Aunty again someday. That reality gives me great comfort when I think about my Dad. But I'm just not there yet with Auntie. I've got Susan Ashton's You Move Me on the radio right now....

"I'm frozen solid with fear, like a rock in the ground. But You move me. You give me courage I didn't know I had. You move me. I can't go with You and stay where I am, so You move me."

I am in such a place of self-pity and immobility. So I hang on with the faith that He *will* move me. I think back to when Aunty died. It was so awful...such a let down after a short period of hope for that miracle. But then I remember feeling "better" so much sooner than I thought I would. I was so grateful to my faith communities for that. (First Church of Christ, Congregational in Bedford, and Hope Church (UCC) in Roslindale).

You would think that all the joy that *is* a two year old, and a three year old, that I would be so happy. And I kick myself when I'm not. I get so angry that I'm not happier. I wish that Aunty could have been around longer for my babies. I wish I were able to do more with them...get out more. {{Sigh}}

God's got His work cut out for Him to move me. So I hang on, try to have patience, and try to have Faith. I think about my blessings...my wonderful mother's helper, my newest best friend I have here in Bedford who comes at least once a week for our kids to have a playdate, my church friends...the fact that my mom is able to visit about once a week. God is the greatest "mother's helper" I've got.

On the Journey...

God Does Not Like Whiners

2009-03-24T07:52:00.000-07:00

I have long thought I should start a gratitude journal. Mostly because I can be *such* a whiner...I complain a lot.

So this morning I am grateful for Spring, grateful for the upcoming baptism of my niece Shelley's baby boy, David. I'm grateful for my friends, one of whom is coming over today with her son and niece to play with my kids. I'm grateful for my loving husband, and my sweet, wonderful babies.

A Year of Blessings, of Mourning

2009-03-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

{{Sigh}} This year has been so busy with Amelie being almost 2, and Evan coming up on 3 on May 13th.

This has also been the year in which we lost my aunt. She was my aunt, my mother, and my sister all wrapped up in one. She understood me like nobody else. She will be gone a year this Thursday. I am forever grateful that I spent that morning with a dear friend from church. David Malone has shared so much spiritual and life wisdom with me. Hope Church and my darling husband got me through what was the most awful day of my life since my Daddy died in July of 1995.

It felt like such a scary day. It was like God was telling me "It's getting time for you to grow up now, sweetie. Your aunty is gone, you have a husband and two babies depending on you now. You're not a kid anymore."

I hope there will be more revelations this week and through Easter. Time will tell.

Blessings

2009-03-16T12:11:00.000-07:00

I get so caught up in the stress that is raising two toddlers while on crutches, that it seems I often forget to count my blessings. And I have become so lapse at recording them here on my blog. This was meant to be a gift to myself, more than anything, so I wouldn't forget those little moments I want to remember forever.

The "babies" are growing up so fast. Evan will be 3 in May, and Amelie will be 2 in June. Evan has few "baby" moments left...he will sometimes cuddle under his blanket and *say*, "I'm a little baby", in a really cute baby voice. And he still calls out "Mommy I want you" if I am out in the living room or kitchen doing something and he is in the bedroom behind the gate.

Amelie still curls her toes, and pulls her legs up to grab her feet while I change her diaper. Almost every time I change her, I wonder how much longer she will be doing that. She is such an independent little thing, and very sure of what she wants. She will pull Daddy by the finger into the bedroom if she wants a diaper change, or just if she wants to play in there with him.

They both still sleep with out. It's getting kind of crowded, but I know I'll miss these days. Evan will probably be in two days of preschool in the fall, and then Amelie will follow the next year. It will be exciting to share in what they learn at school. And as stressful as my days are with the two of them, I'm trying really hard not to wish their babyhood away.

Election Day 2008

2009-02-23T08:59:00.001-08:00

I am so thrilled to have these pictures to tell Evan and Amelie about the day Mama voted for Obama! (And tell Evan about how he would tell us Obama would be the next president, be in the White House and how he needed a sign and a flag! :-) (Click on the title of this post to see all the pictures on my facebook page. (you don't have to have a facebook account!)

RachelRama

2009-02-16T13:26:00.000-08:00

Her website is new, so you won't find a whole lot at RachelRama quite yet, but Rachel Clancy is an old friend from high school who is taking her shot at stand up comedy (well, actually it is a return...I missed her the first time around and don't intend to miss her this time!). Anyway...if you're in Boston and dig stand up - keep checking back to her site.

Water Dances

2009-02-15T11:52:00.000-08:00

Water Dances 2009 is a project by one of my most favorite people, Phyllis Labanowski. So while I don't think this blog gets much traffic...for anyone that visits between now and April 19th, I wanted this to be here. :-)

National Poetry Month is coming!

2009-02-05T09:18:00.001-08:00

I love this poster!

1HappyCorner.com - Gift Blog � Blog Archive � Gifts from Your Heart-How A Fair Trade Gift Can Make Valentines Day Special

2009-02-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

1HappyCorner.com - Gift Blog � Blog Archive � Gifts from Your Heart-How A Fair Trade Gift Can Make Valentines Day Special

What better way to celebrate my birthday than to spread the word about fair trade shopping? ;-)

The Trouble With Jerry

2009-02-02T19:10:00.000-08:00

I don't talk to most people about hating the Jerry Lewis Telethon. I assume most people would react to me like I'm The Grinch. "How can you hate Jerry Lewis?!" "He's such a good man!" "He was so funny in all his movies!" "He does such good things for those poor children".

It's that last one that lies at the root of my problem with Jerry Lewis. Understand, I do believe his heart is in the right place. He does want to "help" those "poor children". But have you watched him on his telethon for any length of time? He does indeed portray people with disabilities as "those poor people". I'm sure it is partly stragtegic. If the people didn't seem pathetic, he wouldn't get as much money for them. But he has had it pointed out to him the damage this does to people with disabilities as a whole, and has basically responed with an "F-you" type attitude. He has been quoted to say, "You don't want pity? Stay in your house!".

Please visit The Trouble With Jerry, and consider becoming part of the movement for more disability rights oriented fund-raising.

Starting Today: poems for the first 100 days

2009-01-27T09:09:00.000-08:00

I recently subscribed to my first poetry mailing list in ages...at least since before the kids were born. And someone posted this: Starting Today: poems for the first 100 days. Inspiring!

one word. so little time.

2009-01-21T08:29:00.000-08:00

one word. so little time.

I can't remember the last time I wrote on my poetry blog, so I thought I'd post this here. This is a great little writing prompt website.

A New Day Dawning

2009-01-21T07:30:00.000-08:00

I have often said I am keeping this blog in part, to keep note of things I want to remember about my babies childhoods. But today, I am grateful to have it to write down my thoughts for them to read someday, on this historic day.

Our country now has its first African American president. But it is so much more than that. Barack Obama is a president who speaks to our hopes, more than our fears. To what unites us, more than what makes us different, while still celebrating the things that make us unique. During the last few days, he spoke of the "patchwork" that we indeed are. Here is his wonderful Inaugural Speech.

There were many wonderful phrases:

. . . . let us brave once more the icy currents . . . . "

" . . . . we have chosen hope over fear . . . . "

" . . . . everywhere we look, there is work to be done . . . . "

"All this we will do."

" . . . . we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals."

" . . . . we are ready to lead once more."

" . . . . your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy."

" . . . . new era of responsibility . . . "

And I thought the poet, Elizabeth Alexander, was wonderful too. Her poem, Praise Song for the Day", did not have the grand imagery of On the Pulse of Morning, but I thought that was part of its power...it was about every day people.

I didn't get to hear Rev. Gene Robinson before the "We Are One" event, but you can watch it here. (Shame on HBO for screwing up and not showing this. I know it was only because it was because the official start time, but they should have made sure this was aired.) I loved his call for a move beyond tolerance to respect.

And I must admit Rick Warren's prayer was a nice one.

And I loved loved the last prayer offered up by Rev. Dr. Joseph Lowery. I dare you to watch this without grinning ear to ear. :-) I loved how he ended it, as I've read he's done before...

"....help us work for that day when black will not be asked to give back, when brown can stick around, when yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead, man, and when white will embrace what is right."

He concluded,

"Let all who do justice and love mercy say amen and say amen."

Through the Looking Glass Book Review

2009-01-09T12:44:00.000-08:00

I just foundThrough the Looking Glass Book Review, a blog of reviews of children books. I'm always looking for great books for kids. Also, in case I forget to mention, I recently found Barefoot Books which I love!

My latest inspiration for the day

2009-01-05T10:46:00.001-08:00

I just love this song...and Evan's new violin plays the melody!

Lyrics | Maura O'connell lyrics - If You Love Me lyrics

Jim Infantino : blog : music : news

2008-12-23T11:38:00.000-08:00

Jim Infantino : blog : music : news.

Hmph. I started a blog post about this almost exactly a year ago. Just found it in my list of posts and saw it never got finished or posted. Sharing Jim I. is always a good idea, and it breaks up the super-heavy philosophical posts.

Feminist Daily News 12/19/2008: Strong Feminist Chosen for Labor Secretary

2008-12-22T09:52:00.000-08:00

On the bright side, the same organization also made note of Obama's Strong Feminist Choice for Labor Secretary.

Feminist Daily News 12/18/2008: Feminist and LGBT Leaders Voice Outrage Over Rick Warren Selection

2008-12-22T09:51:00.000-08:00

So when I read this Feminist Daily News 12/18/2008: Feminist and LGBT Leaders Voice Outrage Over Rick Warren Selection, I had to post it. I am so disappointed in Obama over this choice. And his defense that he wants to "include people he doesn't agree with" is so lacking. I know he won't change his mind, but I just hope he doesn't make any missteps like this ever again.

sick babies

2008-12-22T04:19:00.000-08:00

Amelie is sick with a fever today. There is just nothing worse than your child being sick. I never understood until I had kids of my own, how you'd rather be sick as a dog yourself, than have your child feeling miserable.

I'm hoping watching my children on Christmas will bring some holiday spirit into my bones, because this year I've just got naughta. It's dark and cold, my days are long on mind-numbing childrens programming and short on light. (although I have to admit there is some good stuff out there - thank you Jack's Big Music Show and Fifi. ;-).

Evan is quite the singer these days. He knows the words to almost every song on all his favorite shows. His newest favorite is the Pajanimals and I have to say, they make me smile. Cowbella is voiced by the same person who does the voice for Mary on Jack's.

Amelie is such a helpful little girl. If I ask Evan to bring me something and he either is oblivious or ignores me, she hears me and goes and retrieves whatever it is.

Evan has been enjoying the snow (that makes one of us). He loves to tell me "I go out to help Daddy shovel". This weekend resulted in snow that's actually going to hang aroudn for a while, so Amelie will get her shot at playing in it when she feels better.

The shortist day of the year is this week. I'm praying I start to get back in the swing of things once they start getting longer. Right now I just have to get through Amelie's fever and Christmas. Wish me luck.

a poet for Obama's inauguration!

2008-12-19T02:46:00.000-08:00

So now it is time for me to read up on Elizabeth Alexander, Obama's choice to compose a poem to read at his inauguration. It's been too long since a poet was part of this auspicious day. I am so excited! You can watch her read one of her poems, here.

The Bread of Life

2008-12-17T02:06:00.000-08:00

Sunday night after communion, Evan came up to me and exclaimed excitedly, "Mommy, Evan have the bread of life!". One of his favorite songs is the "Amen" song we sing right before communion. He also loves "Peace Like a River", Elizabeth's Mitchell's version. Add to this that he can tell you whose birthday it is on Christmas, but barely knows who Santa even is...and we're happy campers here. Merry Christmas!

Don't Tell Me Who To Love

2008-12-12T09:08:00.000-08:00

Fabulous video!

Sweet Honey In The Rock

2008-12-11T11:49:00.000-08:00

Sweet Honey In The Rock just revamped their website. I've blogged about them before, have them listed under "fave kids' music" because they have 2 albums for children. But this website revamp gave me the excuse to mention them again...they're that good. ;-)

Christmas

2008-12-10T08:15:00.000-08:00

So I'm trying to get in the Christmas Spirit. I've always been a bit of a scrooge...not quite sure why. I get more stressed out about the fact that I don't think of "cool" gifts for people and that there are more gifts to get, than I get excited about Christmas.

I'm listening to "Grown Up Christmas List" by Amy Grant right now.

Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies

Well I'm all grown-up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

[Chorus:]
No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree

Well heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal a hurting human soul

[Chorus]

What is this illusion called
The innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief
Can we ever find the truth

[Chorus]

So it would be easy to blame the absence of my aunt for my bad attitude. Or my mommy-stress. But I've struggled with the "Normal Rockwell" expectations for years. Christmas has been different the last few years. When I starting hearing Liz Myer Boulton preach about Jesus, and how he of all people can understand our struggles...I've celebrated Christmas with a different feel. Jesus' birthday really *means* something. When I think about the fact that I never feel like I "measure up"...I should remember I don't have to.

celery

2008-12-10T08:07:00.000-08:00

We've always been lucky that both of our kids really like their vegetables. Barring any change, that's one struggle we don't have to deal with. But this morning, as I was pouring their milks (Evan drinks "pink cherry milk juice" - milk with a touch of strawberry milk so he won't balk at it), something went plunk into their cups. Yep - as Stuart McLean would say "you guessed it!" - the celery. There was one other piece in there so I poured all the milk into glasses to fish out the last piece.

Never a dull moment.

Green Parents Network

2008-12-01T03:47:00.000-08:00

I discovered this site this morning while surfing Facebook. Facebook is my new "Sims". I used to be addicted to The Sims, I think mostly for the decorating the house, and having my character have babies. Now that I have 2 babies to take care of, and a house we don't have time to decorate (not to mention spaces the kids won't get into if we do), that doesn't hold the same appeal.

But this new site, Green Parents Network, seems to address both the environmental and social issues I care most about as a parent. This is exciting.

I need to blog more about some of the new things the babies can do and have been doing. That's my goal for this week. Have a great day, David! (If I have other blog readers, drop me an email ;-).

Amy

The Real Thanksgiving??? � The Man Of Steel

2008-11-27T04:39:00.000-08:00

While it is wonderful on this day to give thanks for our blessings, I hope we are past the point of perpetuating myths about the history of it.The Real Thanksgiving? makes it clear, Native Americans have nothing to be thankful for in this history. More than a few people have suggested we replace "thanksgiving" with a National Day of Atonement.

God

2008-11-26T08:35:00.000-08:00

I found this at this website.

Southern Poverty Law Center : Stand Strong Against Hate

2008-11-25T13:21:00.000-08:00

Southern Poverty Law Center : Stand Strong Against Hate - from their website:
We've just witnessed an historic moment in our nation's history — the election of our first African-American president.

But it's clear that racism remains a serious problem.

In recent weeks, there have been hundreds of racial incidents linked to the election of Barack Obama.

In New York, a black teen was attacked with a bat on election night by four white men who shouted "Obama." In Los Angeles, swastikas and racial slurs were painted on cars, sidewalks and houses. In Idaho, schoolchildren on buses chanted "assassinate Obama."

In addition, hate groups report that membership is surging. We've identified 888 organized hate groups — white supremacists, neo-Nazis, anti-immigrant extremists, anti-gay groups and others — represented by the dots on the map.

Is there hate in your state?

As the ranks of hate swell, people of goodwill must stand up and be counted.

Add yourself to our map as a voice for tolerance. Join people across the nation who are standing strong against the hate, racism, and intolerance infecting our communities, schools and political debate.

At the Southern Poverty Law Center, we track and expose the activities of hate groups in the United States and use innovative legal strategies to put them out of business.

Thank you for standing strong against hate.

Typealyzer

2008-11-22T05:20:00.000-08:00

This website, Typealyzer, analyzed my Myer-Briggs type based on my blog. ;-)

I should feel in better shape!

2008-11-19T14:40:00.000-08:00

Since I started back lifting weights at the YMCA in Woburn, I've lifted a total of 2,191,590 pounds. Go me! ;-)

Change.gov: The Obama-Biden Transition Team

2008-11-15T17:43:00.000-08:00

Change.gov: The Obama-Biden Transition Team

SPLCenter.org: Hate Groups Map

2008-11-15T04:24:00.000-08:00

I love the Southern Poverty Law Center. The work they do is so vital. They publish Teaching Tolerance, to help us raise a generation of children who don't hate. But they also work to actively eliminate hate groups. They just won a big court case against the Klan in Kentucky.

They also keep a close watch on the status of hate groups in our country. This Hate Groups Map is astounding. There were over 888 active hate groups in the U.S. last year. Check out your state to see how many groups are at work where you live.

Lonely Fortune Writer

2008-11-15T04:07:00.000-08:00

This is just silly fun, but it is fun! The Lonely Fortune Writer is on the Healthy Choice website. Another gift from Skirt.com!

Southern Poverty Law Center

2008-11-13T03:40:00.000-08:00

I added the Southern Poverty Law Center's Hatewatch blog to my list of blogs I dig today. It isn't one of the more uplifting blogs I read, but with Barack Obama's election, I know too many folks who think we've come further than we actually have. This blog is a sobering reminder of just how "alive and well" racism is in this country today.

{Sigh}

2008-11-12T16:06:00.000-08:00

So this afternoon I was *trying* to change Evan's diaper, and he was having no part of it. We got to putting his pants back on, and he was determined not to have them back on. He even said it "hurt"...a common tactic. But he got really riled up, and I was frustrated. And we both got loud I guess, when I know from hubby's advice I should have gone silent...it does calm him down. SO then Kevin comes in and while putting his shoes on, Evan says to him, "Daddy, Evan no like Mommy!".

Now, I know this is just a 2 year old's reaction to not getting his way, and I know he loves me. But it had been a long day and I just *bawled*. Daddy and Evan are grocery shopping now, hopefully Evan will like Mommy again when they get home. ;-)